The Risk That We Take
by JC
Summary: Whilst the agents are going through a 'quiet' period. Ziva accepts a misson to the dismay of Gibbs. Can Ziva escape the crimainal world safely?
1. I'm Still Here

**Disclaimer - Those that you recognise they don't belong but if they did oh the possiblities!**

**I got to say when I first heard this song it was like a drug for me and I think it sums the whole Tony and Ziva feelings if something was to happen to either of them.**

**Prologue Still Here Lyrics by Kristian Valen**

**Are you slipping away?**

**This is hard for me to say**

**I'm barely holding on…**

**So scared of the unknown**

He was holding onto her hand, holding it tightly willingly for her to fight, to fight in order to stay alive, not only for herself but for him. He needed her, he just didn't know how much until she saved his life by sacrificing her own. Now because of that act of selflessness, here they both are. Her, fighting for her life and with him, being there for her when she wakes up.

**I'm still here…**

**Holding your hand**

"Oh Ziva..." He pleaded. "...Why did you do that? Why did you save me?" A tear rolled down his cheek, followed by a few more, then a stream. "Haven't I told you? that I can't live without you?"

**Close your eyes**

**I'll stay beside you**

**I'm still here**

**I won't let them find you**

**I'll be laying right here by your side**

Tony Dinozzo had been by her side since they had rushed her into theatre. It took all the strength of the nurses, Gibbs and McGee to hold him back as he was going to follow them into the theatre room. He yelled for them to get off him. He needed to be with her, he needed to be with the one woman he realised that he truly love. He collapsed onto his knees and cried into McGee's arms. With Gibbs nod to the nurses to reassure that both he and McGee will take over, the nurses went back into the theatre. Tony felt his heart shatter into a million pieces and the two left standing also felt theirs break. For both him and Ziva and being powerless not be able to do anything but watch the broken man and the doors shut.

**Even though my heart is breaking**

**Seeing you like this I'll face it**

**Don't be afraid**

**You're not alone**

He heard the sound of Ziva flat lining in the theatre, before the doors were fully closed, bringing the attention of the cardiac arrest team charging into the already full room. Tony cried even screaming to help her. His world from then on, went into slow motion.

**From now I'll walk alone**

**No one to guide me**

**I'm completely alone**

Inside the room the crash team, doctors and nurses were battling to safe the young Israelite woman who stole the heart of the broken man outside. The doctors yelled as they shock her, making her whole body jerk. The nurses pressing on her chest to try and get that heart to beat... Once, twice, three times. Silence... Everyone stands to attention and all eyes watching the heart monitor...Nothing, still flat lining. The nurses charged the machine to the next level and tried again... Once, twice, three times again the silence...thinking of calling it a day when the sweet sound of the beep suddenly echoed around the room...

**Was it worth all this pain?**

**For just a stolen moment**

**In the rain**

The relief was short lived as the doctors and nurses fought to stop the bleeding and get the bullet out.

**I'm still here…**

**Holding your hand**

That was hours ago where the doctors told Gibbs that again they almost lost her, but also that she is a fighter. 'I could have told you that. She has been through a lot to give up on life now.' Tony had told the doctor in charge before asking him if he can see her.

**Close your eyes**

**I'll stay beside you**

**I'm still here**

**I won't let them find you**

Ever since then; he hadn't moved from his spot, his hand on top of hers, gently holding on to it; his thumb stroking at her hand in a circular motion just for comfort. His eyes watching her, taking her features in. Noting how peaceful she looked. Forcing himself to believe that she is just sleeping and not tied up to machines that were there, to keep her alive. The sound on the beep was in a strange way a comfort to him, soothing.

He will do anything to see those brown eyes of hers again.

**I'll be laying right here by your side**

**Even though my heart is breaking**

**Seeing you like this I'll face it**

**Don't be afraid**

**You're not alone**

The doctor warned them that they were not able to remove the bullet; she is still at risk so they are still keeping a vigil on her.

**How can I**

**Move on and fly**

**When I still don't know**

**The reason why**

**You and I**

**We touched the sky**

**Someone give me a reason why**

Abby, Ducky, Parmer and even Director Vance had now arrived, Gibbs given Vance an update. Abby noticing McGee all quiet, seeing that he couldn't look at her, pressing further, asking him to open up to her.

When McGee brought himself to face her, she notice his eyes of sorrow his eyes were red raw from crying. She pulled him into a hug and again to open up. McGee pulled away and spoke, "It's my fault Abby, I'm responsible for Ziva getting shot." McGee looked away too ashamed to even look at Abby.

"Tim?"

"I tackled Giuseppe Fasulo, he pulled the trigger as we hit the floor...Everything was so fast..." McGee's voice then broke with raw emotion. "...I thought it was a miss, going through thin air, not hitting anything. Until Tony Screamed Ziva's name...I'm responsible Abby..."

"Oh Tim..." McGee broke down into Abby's opened arms as she to shed the tears and feel her heart break.

**Close your eyes**

**I'll stay beside you**

**I'm still here**

**I won't let them find you**

**I'll be laying right here by your side**

Tony still sat and watched Ziva, her chest slowly going up and down, he was shattered but he didn't want to leave her bedside not until he saw those chocolate eyes again and that smile. "I know I sometimes have been a jackass to you over the years...I did it out of love...Heh...Seriously... I never got to tell you how much I love you..." Fresh new tears were building it, his hand gripping tighter on Ziva's. "C'mon Ziva...Wake up..." He willed her on; he broke when he saw no movement and hearing nothing but the beep and not her sweet soft voice, his eyes turned to anger "WAKE UP! ZIVA..!" He shouted, before his voice broke and the anger turned to sorrow and the shout into a whisper. "...Please wake up...I love you!"

He let the many tears drop and watched as they expand on the bed covers.

**And even though my heart is breaking**

**Seeing you like this I'll face it**

**Don't be afraid**

**You're not alone**

**So close your eyes**

**I'll stay beside you**

**I'm still here**

The gentle beep of the machine was the only thing that is keeping him company.

**I won't let them find you**

**I'll be laying right here by your side**

**And even though my heart is breaking**

**Seeing you like this I'll face it**

**Don't be afraid**

**You're not alone**

**TBC...**


	2. Fourteen Months Ago

**Chapter 1** **14 months ago**

The night was eerily calm and clear with only the stars and moon for light; even then it was hard to see. The woman looked around nervously before making the call. Going into her bag and taking out her mobile she dialled the number. Even though it felt like she was on her own it did not stop the panic in her voice. "Pick up, come on, come on, come on and pick up the god damn pissing phone..." She waited impatiently as no one answered at the other end. "Hello..." Her face turned to hope and relief when she heard the other end and was going to say something when her face dropped when she realised it was a joke message that matches her partner lame sense of humour. "Ha ha ha sorry, couldn't resist. I am not in right now, so leave a message after the bleep...*bleep*"

"DAMMIT MAN! With your stupid jokes...Look I can't say too much, I think someone knows and my cover has been blown...We have to abort the mission. I'm in trouble..."

"I say you are..." The woman turned around, she didn't hear any footsteps or saw the face that belong to the voice, she was surrounded by the darkness, her heart racing, she swallowed, she knows these are her final minutes she closed her mobile off and flung it into the seabed, only the sound of the splash can be heard. The stranger took further steps towards her and the moonlight caught the side of the stranger's face. The owner of the face didn't surprise her and was expected. However, she took a step back when she got a glimpse of the silencer on the gun, but not a single word was uttered as the bullet hit her stomach. She fell to her knees the stranger stepping even closer and kicked her in the head, making her body collapsed on its side, her breathing getting swallower. Giving a few more hard kicks to her stomach, she then felt their foot on her shoulder to turn her on her back. She cried her tears trailed down her cheeks. Thoughts of her loved ones and her life flashed through her mind, before the last thing she will ever see is the legs of the stranger and the face that they belonged to standing over her. The stranger with ease and no conscious plugged three more bullets into her body. "...Bang you're dead!"

* * *

><p>The lift pinged, special agent Tony Dinozzo and his colleague Timothy McGee got out with Tony starting a pointless conversation. "Okay, if you have a car that can take you anywhere in the world and in any year...What would you go?" Tim sighed. "I am not saying anything; you have been like this since you watched the Back to the Future trilogy."<p>

"Come on play, you must have a favourite year and place. To witness history in the making. I will be back in either the wild west to meet Billy the Kid or Las Vegas in its prime."

"Will it get you to shut up?"

"Of course! After I poke fun of you..."

"Okay I would have to say, watching Neil Armstrong walk on the moon." Tony looked at McGee with disappointment. "You depress me. You do know you can watch that on you tube now?"

"I know but it is not the same as watching it live."

"Sit down at your desk and do some work..." Tony then turned to Ziva. "...Ziva! What about you?" Tony notice that Ziva was not in her playful mood. "I am not having this conversation. I have work to do."

"I know I picture you going to the roaring '20s with all the bootlegging, picture you doing the Charlton." Tony seeing her confusion mimics the Charlton. Ziva was clearly pissed off and snapped. "Fine! It will be 20th April 1889 Braunau Inn Austria" Tony looked puzzled then realised the suffice of the time and place and didn't need to ask her what she would have done, some things are just better left unanswered. "Chill ax it was only suppose to be a game..."

"Games are for children."

"My! You are just little miss sunshine today." Ziva sighed. "Sorry, I am in a mood. I do not know why..." She saw Tony about to say something. "Do not say anything." Tony quickly closed his mouth before he can upset Ziva further.

"Maybe you just in a rut, I mean it has been quiet lately." McGee answered.

"That might be it! I am a person of action. It is days like this that I wish I was on missions."

"What! Like when you were with the MOSSAD? I thought your assignation days were over." Tony remarked, eager to see her reaction, especially for her earlier answer. Gibbs went in the bullpen before Ziva could answer him. "Gear up!"

"There you go Ziva ask and ye shall receive. What have we got boss?"

"Body of a female petty officer. Let's go!" All three agents followed their leader.

* * *

><p>The woman lying dead on the dock was in her late twenties to early thirties, dark brown hair, white and petite frame about 5ft 3 – 5ft 5, wearing a petty officer's uniform. Three bullet holes in her chest that formed an equal triangle, a bullet hole in her stomach and one bullet hole in her head. Bruising to the temple on where she was kicked formed. "It looks like a professional hit." Ziva said. "Well you would know." Tony snapped back. "Are you still upset on what I said earlier?"<p>

"You would do it, would've you?"

"You asked the question and I answered." McGee just stayed out of the argument and kept on taking the photos. "Have we got a problem here, children? Am I going to have to separate the two of you?" Gibbs looked at the two agents, seeing how unprofessional they had become for a brief moment. "No, we are carrying on boss."

"Okay, Ziva see if you can find any witnesses."

"Okay."

Ducky a below average height Englishman arrived on the scene he was their medical examiner, along side him was Jimmy Palmer his assistant a young man who was eager to please. They both saw the commotion between the two agents. "What was that all about?"

"I don't know but in the mean time we have a dead body to work on, what can you tell me?" He waited for both Ducky and Jimmy to settle down and have a quick look at the body. "Well apart from the bullet holes she seems to have taken one hell of a beating." He noted when he lifted her shirt and noted the bruising. "My poor child what have you done to deserve this?" He turned back to Gibbs. "Well, it seems like a clear cut case, do we have an identity for her?"

"ID says she's petty officer Laura Johnson."

"Okay, Mr Palmer let's take her away." As Ducky and Jimmy went to deal with the petty officer's body they again notice Ziva and Tony arguing. "Do you want me to sedate the pair of them?" Gibbs sighed it is going to be a long day.

* * *

><p>Back at the bull pen in NCIS headquarters, Tony and Ziva were still arguing, McGee sat down at his desk and typed petty officer Johnson's details in the computer and was shocked that, that particular person's details was blocked and a red message started to flash on the screen. "Ah...Boss...I think we got ourselves a little problem here." Gibbs went over to his desk and looked over his shoulder. "Bring it up on the plasma."<p>

Gibbs and his three agents looked at the plasma screen seeing Petty Officer's Johnson profile blocked and a red flag message to contact the FBI flashed before them. "What does that mean?" Ziva asked still looking at the plasma. "I don't know..." Replied Tony his eyes also glued onto the flashing message. The pinging of the elevator and Fornell with three other suits behind him appeared the four of them watched and before even Gibbs had open his mouth. Top of the second floor stood their director, Director Vance.

Gibbs looked at Vance then back at Fornell. "...But I am going to find out." Gibbs said before walking over to Fornell. "What is going on?"

"Gentlemen and ladies if you please? You too Gibbs and bring Agent David with you." Ziva looked at Gibbs and Gibbs nodded what ever is going on is serious. As everyone went upstairs, leaving Tony and McGee, Tony turned to McGee. "Well I guess that just leaves you and me."

"Oh joy."

**TBC...**

**p.s rating for later chapters might change...**

**p.p.s hope you like**


	3. Can't Keep on Protecting Her

Chapter 2 Can't protect her forever

Closing the door behind him, Vance gesture for all to take a seat with of course Gibbs and Ziva denied. "I am not sitting down until I get answers on what the HELL is going on here? Who have we really got laying on that table?" It was Fornell who spoke. "She is... was one of us. Her real name was Joanne Pearson." Gibbs looked at Fornell. "Okay she is one of yours and undercover I understand that. But why the hell wasn't I notified about this?" Vance stared at Gibbs, chewing on a toothpick. "It was a need to know basis and you did not need to know..."

"The HELL I don't Vance! Having an FBI agent going undercover in our jurisdiction is MY business. I mean did she actually know the role? The job?"

"She knew of the risks, she volunteered."

"And you didn't stop her? Didn't discourage her? Jesus Fornell… She's was just a kid." Fornell's face matched Gibbs' and he stepped into his personal space, standing toe to toe, staring eye to eye. "Don't you think I know that? This was HER decision! HER choice! What was I suppose to do?"

"Here's a thought… get a more senior experience agent..."

"There wasn't any senior agent that matched his…"

"His what?" Gibbs studied Fornell with his stare, the stare that not only send shivers down the spine of his team but had worked on Fornell when he looked away knowingly that Gibbs would not like his answer. "You are kidding me? His taste in women? So you sent an inexperienced agent to not only get information but to satisfy his needs. Use her like a piece of meat…Nice."

"Like I said Gibbs it was HER decision."

"Tell that to her parents."

"This is what we do, Gibbs! No one said it was easy and if you think for one moment I don't feel guilty about this. You're wrong." Gibbs once again studied his face, what emotion did not show on his face, but shown instead in his eyes, the window of the soul and a loss, the grief of a father that lost a daughter. He knew that Fornell had thought of Pearson like a daughter.

"Okay…Tell me everything…" Everyone sighed with relief as the heated exchange had now calm down and they can all focus at the task and hopefully bring some sort of justice to agent Pearson.

"Agent Pearson went undercover to help gather information about a man that sells and deals arms, drugs and anything else that our enemies want. He is a very dangerous man. He had gone from dealing on land to striking deals overseas. What we know of him is details of his current dealings and where he hangs out. But we have yet to get any solid evidence to hold him."

"That's why Agent Pearson went uncover..." Gibbs turned to Fornell. "He has a weakness for the ladies, she was doing well getting information on land but when he started making dealings overseas that's where it went..."

"Tits up..." Ziva interjected. Everyone in the room looked at her as she shrugged her shoulders. "It is true is it not?" Everyone ignored her and carry on with the matter at hand.

"...We had underestimated just how much trouble she was in…"

"I say…" Gibbs interjected giving Fornell a 'you really fucked up look.' "…She tried to get in contact with Agent Reeves her partner but he unfortunately did not pick up…" Gibbs' glare was taken off Fornell and onto Agent Reeves who was already filled with guilt on letting his late partner died. "…We did however manage to retrieve her phone that she threw in the water. Manage to retrieve most of the data that she had stored."

"How did you manage to do that so soon? We were called about this morning and haven't even thought about going through her mobile until it red flagged her. So when exactly did you know about her death." Fornell looked at agent Reeves and let him explain. "Well sir… I… as soon as I heard the message and heard the splash I knew it was too late to save her, and for that you can not imagine how sorry I am…"

"Try…" Gibbs cut off his eyes still boring into him with disgust. "…I…ahem…I search her through the GPS hoping, prying that I could still get her signal and I did. I'm a trained scuba diver so got my equipment and went to the destination. Once I got there I saw her body and I…" The agent's voice weaver with emotion but Gibbs was finding it hard to feel sorry for him. "I dive in the water to retrieve the phone it was hard but manage to find it. Went back to my flat and see if I can get anything off it and I did… Here…" He passed on the phone to Gibbs who went through it seeing the messages from the late agent to him then messages from the suspect. Dates, time some pictures and recording were distorted but he was sure that Abby can get something out of it.

"Okay… I get that we are going to be working together, since they are now in our jurisdiction. I have no problem with that providing you fill me in on everything that you have on this case. I do however what you…" Gibbs pointed to Agent Reeves. "…Off this case, we can not have any more screw ups…"

"Done." Fornell agreed, Agent Reeves was about to protest but Fornell and Gibbs gave him the look and he went back to looking at the floor. " … I just have one question though. Why is Ziva here?" Afraid of the answer and by the look at Fornell's and Vance's faces he answered his own question. "…Because she is this bastard's kind of woman, right?" No one in the room dared speak. "No way, absolutely no way in HELL I'm going to let that happen. Agent David is off limits."

"Do I not get a say in this?" For the first time in a while Ziva spoke, Gibbs turned to her, in fact all eyes were now on her. "NO! Absolutely not! You are not doing this." Ziva turned to Director Vance knowing that his word is final and knowing that Gibbs would be angry and disappointment with her. "Director Vance is; is it not my decision. I mean that is why you called me here, yes?" Director Vance took his toothpick out of his mouth and looked at Ziva then Gibbs, holding his ground knowing that Gibbs will give him more then an earful behind close doors. "That is true. It is up to you, with all your MOSSAD training and experience, you are the prefect choice for this mission."

"Not to mention his 'type' of woman right?" Gibbs' displeasure clearly shown, he turned to Ziva. "Are you seriously thinking about this? Once you get caught there will be no chances of getting you out alive. They will kill you and make it a slow, painful death. Do you really what that? After what happened to you in Africa?" Eyes had switched from Gibbs back to Ziva, Ziva's temper had also raised. "I can not believe that it has come back to that again. Are you always going to remind me of what happened in Africa every time I want to do a mission? You can not keep protecting me for ever…" Turning to Director Vance she gave him her answer. "…Director Vance I accept."

The last thing that everyone heard was the slamming of the door. Vance groaned knowing that Gibbs will give him one hell of a headache when everyone has left his office.


	4. Both of you have my back

Chapter 3 Every step of the way

"They have been up there quite a while now…" McGee said, as he looked at the second floor where Gibbs and Ziva both ascended thirty minutes ago. "…What do you think is going on?" McGee asked Tony. "It could be anything. My guess it is a nudge, nudge, wink, wink situation." McGee looked at Tony puzzled. "You know a need to know bases."

"Oh… Why did you not just say that?"

"This is why you will always be a probie…One of these days you have to learn to speak the lingo" Before McGee can argue with him again, they both saw Gibbs minus Ziva heading towards the stairs and he looked pissed. "Oh, oh… angry boss, angry boss, angry boss." McGee said. "Pretend to work, pretend to work, pretend to work…" Replied Tony, as they both rush behind their desks and started to randomly type on their keyboards. They both watched as Gibbs not saying a word just went behind his desk and began typing, looking at each other trying to get the other to say the first word to their boss. They decided to settle the little argument like generations before them had settle wars… with rock, paper and scissors.

It was a close match as Tony and McGee both had a rock, but McGee won with the scissors to his paper. Tony was still hesitating. "Something you want to say to me Dinozzo?" Gibbs said looking at Dinozzo's direction. Tony gave McGee a death look while McGee looked smug. "Um… everything okay boss? Where's Ziva?"

"Your colleague is still with the director discussing her suicide mission against my wishes that have already left a FBI agent dead. So no I'm not alright." Gibbs sighed and stood up. "I'm going to see Abby, see if she can clean this mobile up. Meanwhile can both of you actually be useful and see what you can find out about a…" He switched to the first readable message on the dead agent phone to get a least a name. "…Giuseppe Fasulo."

"That's all you got?" Tony deadpanned knowing that, with the name only they can have hundreds of possibilities and it will consume a lot of their time. "Problem? Dinozzo?" Seeing how pissed off Gibbs actually is Tony did not push it. "None… none what so ever. Searching for a Giuseppe Fasulo. See me searching." He turned to his screen and began to start his search.

"Good."

"Um boss…"

"What is it McGee?" Gibbs said impatiently. "What about Ziva?" Gibbs did his stare, a silence filled the room it lasted only seconds but to McGee and Dinozzo it felt like an eternity as they both looked at each other waiting for Gibb's answer. "Ziva..." Gibbs paused as he saw Ziva on her way back to the bull pen along with Fornell and the rest of the FBI agents, with Vance just holding on the rail watching them go and his eyes then landing on Gibbs. Gibbs watched as Ziva showed the agents out, watching Fornell and Ziva talk then having their eyes turn to Gibbs as well. Fornell gave a nod to which Gibbs nodded back, knowing as a joint investigation they will see each other daily. Gibbs eyes lingered on Ziva who with grace turned back at Fornell to carrying on with their conversation.

Seeing the elevator doors open and the FBI leaving and Ziva now heading back towards them, Gibbs snapped out of his trace, she was right he can not protect her forever and it is true that she was more then capable and experienced for this mission but he couldn't stop his gut feeling that something will go wrong and instead of talking calmly to her, he did what he had done once before when she return to the team from Africa and that was to turn his back on her giving her the silent treatment until he calms down. "…Ziva can apparently handle herself. You want more information about Giuseppe Fasulo? Maybe she can fill you in about him." He turned his back and headed down to Abby's lab.

"Wow…" Tony got up and grimaces as he went towards her. "What happened up there?"

"I accepted a mission that he did not like."

"What can of mission?" McGee also got up and joined them. "One that could last for a year or so, or even longer."

"WHAT!" Both McGee and Tony shouted making the other agents in the area turn and look at them before going back to their own work. "You heard. I accepted a mission. Gibbs did not like it but I gave Vance my answer."

"How could you?"

"Oh I'm sorry Tony I did not think I needed your permission as well."

"You don't but I need to tell you that you are making a mistake and take it from me being undercover takes a lot out of you. You will lose yourself in the role and hurt people along the way." If anyone can tell Ziva what being undercover is like, no can tell it better then Tony. "I have, have you know been on missions before. I know what I am doing."

"Oh really?" Tony asked crossing his arms. "So tell us Ziva what exactly is this mission?"

"Like you told us what yours was?"

"Ziva that was different."

"Why? Because it was you? And that you are a man." Tony sighed. "You know they weren't the reasons Ziva. Is it wrong to be worried about you?"

"I will be fine."

"Oh really… Because Africa went so well." Ziva began to lose her temper. "Like I told Gibbs, how more times I am going to keep on hearing my mistakes. Fine I admit that Africa went wrong and I was accepting death to take me. This time is different."

"How? How is this time different?" Ziva looked in to his eyes and seeing the worry in them and in McGee's as well. With a small smile replied "Because this time I will have both you and McGee with me every step of the way."

TBC...

* * *

><p>Sorry it short I try and make the next one longer...<p> 


	5. Having a Heavy Heart

**Chapter 4**

Gibbs went straight into Abbey's lab, hearing Abbey's music playing in the background, he smiled as he watched Abbey working away hard. Her back towards him, he went up to her and called out. "Abbey."

"Gibbs!" Like always she greeted him with a hug. "What brings you here?" She asked, sometimes as smart as she is, she can be flaky. Gibbs smiled and waved the mobile. "Of course that…I mean you normally send one of the others to me with the evidence, not you personally. Is anything wrong?" She carefully studied his face. Seeing the worry and fear, maybe. "Are you okay Gibbs?" Getting a hold on his senses he smiled at her. "I'm fine Abby, nothing to worry about." He tried to reassure her. Even though she knows different she took the hint and dropped the subject… for now; But her smile never left her face. "Okay. What do we have here?"

"This was retrieve from the canal, it's badly water logged. I was hoping you can get something from it." Abby reached for the mobile and examined it. "I do my best."

"Thank you." Giving her a peck on her head he left, not before Abby express again her concern. "You know I'm here for you as much as you are for me." Gibbs stopped and turned, a small grateful smile appeared on his face. "Yeah, Abby I know."

"Good." She watched as Gibbs left her lab and she went back to her work.

* * *

><p>"Let me get this straight. We are going to join with the FBI with this investigation?"<p>

"That is what I said. Tony."

"You accepted this mission because THEIR agent got killed, is that what you are telling me?"

"You have indeed got a good memory." Ziva, not seeing why her team mates are having a problem with this, she told them everything that was said to her in Vance's office give or take a few things that she purposely hid from them and judging by the information she did tell them she is glad she did hide the rest of it. She coolly went back to sitting behind her desk. Tony laughed inwards and turned his head towards McGee who was now busy trying to access records on what Ziva had told them about Giuseppe Fasulo. "Come on McGee, back me up here, will you."

"Tony…" McGee broke off before he was going to stick up for Ziva. "What?"

"…Tony come; And have a look at this." Tony caught the panic in McGee's eyes and went over to him, Ziva watched them both and saw the worry and fear in both their faces as they stared into the monitor, she saw Tony's face gone pale. Tony looked straight at her, she could see his eyes, even though, they held fear; they also held fire and the colour not only returned back to his face, but also getting redder with anger. She stood up and walked over to them, curious on what they found out. She had an idea on what kind of a man Giuseppe Fasulo is and man being the operative word.

He was indeed an animal, a monster, a beast. Others might call him the devil himself.

* * *

><p>Gibbs went to see Agent Pearson's body before it will be released to the FBI for their own investigations and then to be buried. He stood in the doorway and watched as Ducky and Parmer make the last examination, seeing a bit of her open chest to get the bullets out.<p>

Ducky sensing a presence he did not need to turn around to know who it is. "I never pictured you to be afraid of entering my domain." Ducky turned and watched as Gibbs walked in. Both he and Ducky looked at Palmer who did not need further prompting to leave the room. "It could have happen to anyone. She was unlucky we both seen this many times and we will see it many more."

"I know, but it does not make it any easier. What do we have?"

"Five rounds, three as you see in her chest, in a triangle shape, one in the stomach and one in her forehead. Along with bruising all over her body. The bastard really did a number on this poor girl." Ducky is a man of grace and charm an old fashion English man, he hardly ever swore always chivalrous ever the gentleman. On the odd occasion that he did swear, it was always within good reason and this time Gibbs agreed. Sensing his silence Ducky stopped what he was doing and turned to Gibbs. "What's wrong Jethro? Why so concern on your face? Who is she?" Gibbs realising that Ducky have yet to be told about whom this woman really was and did not give Ducky an answer straight away and Ducky waited patiently for it.

* * *

><p>As Ziva had too, seen the information displayed on Giuseppe Fasulo. She went quiet and had just for a moment second thoughts about accepting this mission. But still having old habits from her MOSSAD days, when showing any kind of weakness is frown upon and for them especially to her father the Director of MOSSAD, it was close to becoming a sin. She played down her own fear and turned to Tony and McGee, McGee showing worry but she knew he will still back her up. Tony on the other hand, won't and he will make his feelings quite clear and very verbal. Ziva was preparing herself for another argument.<p>

To both her and McGee's surprise he had straighten himself up and was heading towards the men's bathroom. McGee was about to follow, when Ziva put her hand on his shoulder to sit him back down. "I talk to him."

"Ziva." McGee called out as she started to head towards the bathroom, she turned to face him. Just the look on her face had said it all, the fight she had with Gibbs and now with Tony she did not need him adding on to her stress, instead he just smile. "It can wait."

"Thank you." Ziva returned the smile, and carried on, bracing herself for a massive fall out.

* * *

><p>"Jethro?" Ducky called out to him once more worried on how quiet he had been. "Jethro… Who exactly do we have on this metal table?" Gibbs knew he had to answer his question; it wasn't going to be easy. "She's an FBI agent."<p>

"An FBI agent?" Ducky repeated in disbelief. He thought about the last time when things got covered up. A few years back when Vance had hid and set things up for them to drag out a traitor among the team, he could not help but feel the same way this time. "Is this another test for us to pass?" Gibbs noted the hint of upset in his voice. "No, she volunteered for a mission and got found out."

"Dear god. The poor child."

"She was someone's daughter and their have to bury her." Ducky didn't need to ask anything more; he detected the hurt in Gibbs' voice. The pain and remorse that was there, as he too was still grieving for his own pain at his own loss that was still raw to this day even though it had been years ago. Who ever said, time is a great healer obviously, never experience this kind of pain.

"We all know the risks that come with this job, it doesn't get any easier. We had already lost one of our own, then one of our own shot another agent, who in turn I had to shoot her." Ducky nodded in understanding as Gibbs relived the deaths of Agent Kate Todd, who Ziva became her replacement. The agent who got shot by Michelle Lee who was being blackmailed for the safe return of her sister. Then having Michelle redeeming herself by letting Gibbs shoot and kill her to save a bus load of people. Gibbs once told Ducky that he blame himself for not being there for her, he didn't really accept her into the team and the moment he returned, out from his retirement he just pushed her aside, with nowhere to go. He had a go at her for not coming to him with her dilemma. In truth did he really give her a chance, a reason to go to him? No wonder she did what she did, and a little girl had suffered the outcome of that, having being returned back into care as she was the only family that little girl had.

"There was also the time we thought Dinozzo got killed when we saw his car blew up, how my heart had raced." Ducky placed a hand on his back. "What's upsetting you Jethro?"

"When Kate was lying on this very table. All cold and the colour drained out of her. I never thought I would see that. I made a promise to myself from then on to protect my team, no matter what." Gibbs looked at Ducky in the eyes to finally say his fear out loud. "I don't want to have to go to a crime scene and to pull that white sheet back to revel the face of another agent."

"Jethro…" Ducky began but Gibbs cut him off. "… You don't understand Duck. Ziva had agreed to take Agent Pearson's place. I got this gut feeling that it will not end well, and that I would be like I am now. Like I was six years ago. Standing over her body."

"Oh Jethro…"

* * *

><p>Ziva entered the men's bathroom, seeing Tony splashing water on his face and heading towards the paper towel dispenser. Neither says a word to each other. "We both know you have something to say to me, so say it."<p>

"I don't think you want to hear it."

"So? What? You are going to let your anger fester? You might as well get it over and done with." Tony grabbed another paper towel, scrunched it up and chucked it aimlessly into the air, missing the bin by miles. "Did you not read, what McGee and myself read? Did you miss all of that because I defiantly read it all in colour?"

"Tony. It is no big deal."

"No big deal, she says no big deal." Tony had now begun pacing; trying to shake off all the tension he was suddenly feeling. "You went undercover to try and overthrown an arms dealer."

"Oh please that was not the same. In that mission I went through his daughter not him."

"Really Tony you are making such a big deal out of this. This is nothing." Ziva trying but failing to get through to Tony. "This is not 'nothing' Ziva, this is huge you could get seriously hurt here." Tony's voiced cracked at the thought of Ziva being hurt again. "I am fine, I promise to take care of myself, besides both NCIS and FBI will be there. You'll be there."

"That really isn't a guarantee."

"Tony…" Tony seeing that she was being very calm about the forthcoming mission; wound him so much that his voice was raised. "No Ziva, you listen and you don't say anything. That man had killed that girl in cold blood, not only is he a drug and arms dealer, he is also a convicted rapist. Not only does he not care what sex he does it to or even the age of his victims. But, he marks them; sometimes if you are unlucky he disfigures them. You, you dare stand here and tell me not to make a deal off this in a calm manner. You unbelievable."

Ziva stood still letting Tony get all his anger out. For the few moments she stood there she was beginning to register it all. She was slowly panicking and she needed to move about and start developing a plan, the sooner she be active the less time she spends thinking about it and what this man is capable of doing. Turning on her heels she made her way to the door. "Oh we are so not finished."

"But I am." Tony made grab for her and mange to grip arm. "Tony…I swear…" Anger was no a miss in her voice.

"Ziva…" He locked his eyes into hers. Words, the words he wanted to say to her and not in anger were there in his head but they are all jumbled up and he couldn't form the sentences that he needed. Ziva took the opportunity to take his wrist and break his hold on her; she left, leaving him standing there dejected.

"Damn it Ziva." He found his voice and punched the wall out of frustration. "I…I…just don't want you to get hurt." He knew he said it to himself, he just hope that he could one day say it to her, That and many of other things he wanted to say to her in all these years.

Having watched the door closed and realising that she won't be back. He could have sworn he felt his heart ache and getting heavier feeling a part of him; had died.

TBC

* * *

><p>Thank you to those that reviewed, I thought I write and extra long chapter... Hope you like and yes I mentioned a few past charaters. Also wish they did not kill Agent Lee. But hey ho...<p>

Also I do not know when I will post another chapter have a busy couple days at least. Again thanks!


	6. Giuseppe Fasulo

**Chapter 5 Giuseppe Fasulo.**

Giuseppe Fasulo was as bad as they come. He had been in and out of prison ever since he can remember. A career criminal, had a good upbringing, parents still very much in love together still after all these years. The company he kept throughout his childhood was an average group that were jack the lads, getting into mischief, having a laugh. One look at him and you would assume he was one of the 'good' ones with his charm, wit and nice manners. Always had treated people with respect and kept himself to himself. He came from money and never one to flash his cash…

… Just don't double cross him.

What had made this man turn into a criminal? Nothing… What had turned this well mannered polite man into a beast? Nothing… So why is he considered dangerous? And why turn his back on a good life? The answer is quite simple… He was bored.

Giuseppe Fasulo an Italian American. He is tall, well built, lightly stubble guy that also had a good smile. He became bored with his life doing the same old thing, day in, day out.

His childhood friend one day needed his help to collect some money that he was owned but knowing that he was no match for the guy. He called in Giuseppe for help and of course pay him for is time. He declines the money but would still help his friend out, for old time's sake.

When his friend pointed out the guy who owed him money, they both went up to him to ask for it back. The guy's mistake was refusing to pay up.

Giuseppe grabbed the guy by his Wal-Mart shirt, lift the guy an inch off the ground and with ease threw him against a brick wall. The guy groaned in pain his back will be bruise, his head bleeding. Giuseppe asked again nicely to pay back his friend. The guy replied no because he did not have the money on him, Giuseppe was no fool he knows that the richest guy can walk down the street with the shitiest clothes and you wouldn't know that, that guy was rich and the man before him was that kinda guy. He knew he was that kinda guy, as he spotted a Rolex on his wrist.

Giuseppe did not like to be made a fool of, so picking up this guy and throwing him again, twice as hard then last time gave him a surge of energy. The power that he had right now over his man was surreal; the guy now was begging him not to touch him anymore. That he will pay up with interest, he took a wad of cash and gave it to Giuseppe, who gave it to his friend. His friend thanked him and gave him his cut, which seeing how was given to him he could not refuse. He maybe rich, but it was never his own money, it was his parent that was rich, and he wanted to make his own money in his own way, struggling to find what he was really good at. It looks like he found his calling… And how, much he loved it.

* * *

><p>Skip a few years after doing petty crimes, they both, began to experiment in the big boys like; they had to fight them way through having suffered some scrapes but with his friend's talent of the gift of the gab, talking their way out of situations. His power of strength they were both unstoppable and had soon rose up the league and earned a reputation.<p>

Unfortunately everyone has an Achilles heel; theirs was woman while his friend chased anything with a skirt and let his guard drop. Giuseppe had to clear up his mess when things don't work out.

That was why they are in this predicament now. Because his friend couldn't keep it, in his trousers where there a skirt involve and he did what he had to do. He solved the problem by putting bullets into her.

He had always had a way of finding things out, he notice things about his friend's last girlfriend who seemed to always ask questions when his friend was drunk, disappearing at strange times and making feeble excuses. The way when drugs were around she would always 'disappear' or 'accidentally' drop the drugs on the floor or move the coke about but not really taking it in.

That's how they keep on getting into prison by undercover cops. But this time, this time it's different knowing what to watch out for he will never go to prison again and getting rid of the nark they are once again free to continue with their trade.

The bar was dank two friends drinking nothing unusual about them, just two guys sitting and having a drink talking. It when you hear what they are talking about you knows these guys are shady.

"We have to move soon, we can't risk staying here. They have already found her body, they will find her phone."

"They found her body because you left it there. Besides I thought you said she had thrown the phone into the canal. They will never find it. Just relax."

"How can I relax Ruddy! Because of you chasing women we are once again in this mess. We are running behind schedule. This is not Miami, this is Washington. It's not safe. We have to go, we have to go tonight."

"Sometimes you can such pain, fine we get out of Washington, but we go first thing tomorrow morning. I have some fun tonight..." Ruddy broke off as he stared and watched a beautiful woman entering the pub, heading towards the bar; he waited for a few moments to see if anyone was going to join her. But they didn't the woman was on her own. "Yeah I think we stay tomorrow morning." Giuseppe followed his stare to where the woman was standing and groaned he knew out of the two he had to keep a clear head but not before sharing his option. "You are crazy, after what happen? Everything that we built up for! The careful planning, the time it took, to set things up. We close in closing the biggest deal of our lives. You want to risk it all again, for what a woman?"

"Not just any woman, man a goddess. After the deal I'm the king and she will be my queen." He smiled with his weak chat up line. "Never, ever say that to a human being again." Ruddy smiled and began to stand up and make his way over to the lone woman. "I'm going to have my fun. Maybe you started to have yours."

"Someone has to have a clear head." Giuseppe shouted back, shaking his head but smiled maybe it is time to start having fun.

Ruddy made his way to the bar, standing next to the lone woman, he order his drink vodka and coke. He turned to her, trying to get her attention. "Hi!" When she face him he was stuck for words, her beauty was flawless, looking down her body her blue backless dress showed off her every curve. Her smile made his heart race she was truly a priceless gem. He was a lost of words to strike a conversation with this beauty that when he received his drink an idea came to him. He picked out an ice cube, dropped it on the floor and stamped on it. The lady looked like he was crazy. "Now, I broke the ice, my name is Ruddy…" He put his hand out for her to accept. She smiled and shook it. "Has that ever worked?" He smiled. "No, not really but I find it helps to strike a conversation…" He smiled and found out that he could relax with her company and be himself. "…Ahem…I start over my name is Rudolf…People call me Ruddy." The lady smiled and all of her attention now on him. "My name is Gina… It is pleasure to meet you."

**TBC**


	7. Becoming Gina

**Chapter 6 Becoming Gina**

Watching as the door slammed Director Vance sighed. He knew Gibbs would not let this one go easily and once everyone leaves he expects Gibbs to make his feelings known quite clearly and… Verbally.

Everyone else in the room also watched as the door slammed. Ziva knew that things will now be strained between them. She couldn't dwell on that fact any longer, now that she had accepted the mission and will not back down, she will see it through till the end.

"So, when do I start?" Getting everyone's attention back to the subject, they moved forward. Fornell place the confidential folder down on the desk and opened it. "Here is everything that Agent Pearson had managed to collect on one of the guys."

"How many are involved?" Ziva asked, as she picked up the pages, speed reading to herself everything that was written on the page. "We do not know yet…" Vance walked towards behind his desk. "We also don't know how big the last operation is, what we do know is that this guy…" Vance pointed at the photo showing a mean looking guy. "He's name is Giuseppe Fasulo. He has a record longer then his arm."

"Rape, assault, trafficking drugs, arms, violence… the list goes on, he's a very dangerous man…" Fornell knowing only a bit about what happened to Ziva was also having seconds thoughts about the situation. He caught her eye and she knew the look, it was the same look that Gibbs gives when words couldn't express his concern. "I did ask for this mission, my decision I be fine… Shall we carry on?"

"Okay…Giuseppe Fasulo. Was not only the man of interest, she was dating his partner who we know only as Rudolf, Ruddy to his friends. He seems to be the brains while Giuseppe the brawn. They were making a big deal, that could earn them millions each, a very big deal. We know their past dealings, we got times and have dates that tie them with cases both pending and unsolved. She would have gotten more but with these kinds of men you want to take your time and take a slow pace…Agent Pearson was a novice but she was determined to bring them to justice. It would look good on her profile and be in the running for a promotion in the future. We know that this deal will take place at sea… "

"At sea… no rules, no laws…" Ziva repeated more to herself as she kept looking through the file. "We were hoping to get more details… time of the deal…co-ordinates… before…"

"It happens…" Ziva cut him of both in changing the subject and unfazed. "…It is the risk that we take." It was the drive that she needed she wanted to get these bastards and get justice on those that got hurt or died by their hands. "When do you want me to start?" Putting the file once done reading on the mahogany coffee table. "Now." Vance went straight to the point. "As from this moment, your mission has already started. You to come to my office tomorrow morning and take it from there. "

Leaving Vance's office Ziva walked down to the ground floor, not missing the way Gibbs and Vance looked at each other, and then caught how he looked at her as she made her way to the elevators to show Fornell and the other FBI agents out. They stooped as they wait for the elevator to arrive and chatted. "You sure that you want to do this Agent David?"

"I would not have said yes, if I did not. So what happens, now?"

"Tomorrow we set up a new identity and a new life for you. You know the routine." They both looked at Gibb's direction. "You know Gibbs for a long time. Do you think he will ever forgive me for doing this?" Fornell smiled. "There is something that you should know about Agent Gibbs, Ziva. And that Gibbs is protective of those around him. Besides we are working along side each other. I am sure he will forgive you…" The elevator doors pinged and open, the agents got in. "…One day." He smiled, as the doors closed.

As she went back to join the team she did not missed the way Gibbs looked at her and how he walked off to Abbey's lab.

* * *

><p>The next day Ziva came into work, putting her things behind her desk and headed towards the stairs to Director Vance's office. Not missing the looks from Dinozzo and McGee gave her. Dinozzo stopped what he was doing, stood up and went to block her path. They looked at each other, their fight from yesterday still fresh in both their minds. Ziva was prepared for another fight, but Dinozzo just looked at her seeing the determination in her face. He stepped aside to let her pass and watched as she went up the stairs towards Vance's office.<p>

"Tony?"

He did not answer. "This time will be different. We are also a part of this mission. We will swoop on them before anything will happen to her. You know that right?"

"Did you the see the injuries the last agent had? Because I'm sure as hell didn't miss them." McGee sensed his worry and concern it of course mirrored his own. But he sensed that it was more then that, he had long time suspected the way Tony felt about Ziva. "Tony… You are not the only one who is worried about her." Tony sighed. "I know, I sorry." With no further words spoken he went back to his desk and tried to get back to work to get his mind off his concerns.

* * *

><p>Entering the Director's office she saw Fornell and Gibbs were already waiting for her. "Ah, Agent David. Morning."<p>

"Director, Agent Fornell…" She took a pause when it came to addressing Gibbs, the disappointment, concern and anger still fresh. "…Gibbs." Gibbs did not answer back and he just turned his head back to Vance. Ziva just shook her head and she too faced Vance. "We were going to make profile of your new identity. But come to the agreement that if it was to be believable you should do it. Having what happened to Agent Pearson Giuseppe Fasulo will be alert and suspicious of everyone that comes and befriends them."

"I can do that. I have one already in mind."

"So soon? Okay, walk us through it."

"It is an identity that I have used once before." She looked at Gibbs. "It was the Andrew Hoffman case. It was one of my earlier cases. I did everything wrong, but had built up a believable profile of her in case I was to go undercover again."

"Okay, go through with that. We have the names of the bars he likes to go to, one in particular is called Madam's Organ. You can start there. Guess is they might make a move change there plans either bring the deal forward or push it back. You need to find out that detail and find out soon. Give them a reason to stay in Washington D.C the rest will work itself out and we will be with you every step of the way…" She turned to Gibbs who had yet to carry out his tyrant on what a bad idea this was. "…Right Gibbs." Gibbs looked at Vance knowing the unspoken message behind his tone. "Right."

Throughout the day, Ziva was busy going through her first plan of action, ignoring everything and everyone that is going on around her. Gibbs walked up to her desk giving McGee and Dinozzo a look to clear off as he wanted a private word with Ziva.

Ziva looked up at Gibbs she waited for him to speak. "You know my views about this."

"You not going to change you mind, you are concern I know."

"It wasn't just what happened in Africa why I am worried. After what you just told Vance confirmed it. The Andrew Hoffman case, you did not trust your judgement and that nearly got yourself killed."

"I did things wrongs and I learnt from that."

"Like what?"

"If you call me, to give the codeword I should lie better. Not to ask too many questions and also to watch the manner that I ask them in." Gibbs looked the woman in front of him had indeed grown in to a more than capable agent. He saw how much Hoffman took over her state of mind after his death. She didn't take the time off, arrived to work dishevelled and distracted always having a far away look in her eyes as she replayed what happened on that day. Dinozzo giving her a very hard time, when he was suspecting a guy that she had feelings for. He told him his suspicions when Ziva slept with the suspect. In the end it came out that that she was that way because she came close to dying and it shook her because she was unarmed, she was then like a civilian, helpless and vulnerable.

"Okay you have learned from your mistakes. Like Vance said there is no rush, take your time. We are there every step of the way with you."

"I will be fine. You do not have to worry about me Gibbs." For the first time since yesterday Gibbs smiled. "When will you realise that I always worry about my family." Ziva watched as he walked off. Knowing that things between them were once again okay.

* * *

><p>Getting dress and slipping into her favourite blue backless dress, which showed all of her curves perfectly she was ready for her mission. She was going to the bar find Rudolf and strike a conversation with him nothing to strong or heavy to take her time. Give them a reason to stay or make them stay for another day or so. Try and build a trusting relationship with him. It was Giuseppe Fasulo that they are worried about the most, if he sensed that she is an agent, she would end up like Agent Pearson. She finished getting ready she checked herself out and was happy with the result. She left her flat and made her way to Madam's Organ.<p>

* * *

><p>On entering the bar she spotted them straight away, stepping back she let the team know that she had spotted them and was going in. Being reminded again to be careful and that there was no rush only to make them stay in Washington DC a little bit longer.<p>

She entered and made her way straight to the bar making sure she made eye contact with Rudolf, who came over to her and tried his luck to chat her up.

Watching him picking out the ice cube and dropping it onto the floor to be stamped on. She looked at him as if he was crazy. Only to realise it was another chat up line. "Now, I broke the ice, my name is Ruddy…" Smiling as he was indeed one of the guys that they are investigating, she shook his hand and finally introducing herself. "My name is Gina… It is pleasure to meet you."

"May I?" He asked as he sat down in the empty seat next to her. "You are alone?"

"Is that a problem?" She was please on how easy it was to strike up a conversion with him. "I just don't believe that a beautiful woman like you is all alone in a bar like this."

"I am a woman who prefers my own company."

"I see… Can I buy you another drink?" Ziva smiled but declined his offer. "I never accept any drinks from strangers."

"Playing hard to get?"

"No just being cautious." He smiled. He noticed the light scars on her back as he was approaching towards the bar. "Takes a brave woman of your beauty to be in a place like this on your own." Ziva again just smiled. "I noticed the scars on your back…" Ziva dropped her smile, the scars were a part of her and happened a few years back she sometimes forgot that she even had them. "You always this straight to the point?"

"Only when I see an interesting woman, before me. And I have to say they don't get any mysterious and interesting then you. Bad experience?"

"An experience I do no want to relive."

"Like I said it takes a brave woman to be on her own and even braver to wear a killer dress that show off the scars of the past."

"I am here and in the land of the living." Ziva was surprise on how easy it was to talk to him. She was beginning to understand why Agent Pearson was attracted to him. "And he is…"

"Not…" Ziva had a brief flashback of Saleem hitting the floor with his blood spreading out on the sandy ground, his eyes still open, even though there was no life behind them; she felt that he was watching her. "By you?"

"No, by other people which considering the alternative was the easy choice. I would have made him suffer." Ziva turned to where Giuseppe was sitting, he was chatting to a woman, but stopped as he answered a phone call which made him upset. The woman that he was talking too was told to go away. She turned back to Ruddy realising that he was still talking to her. "Something tells me you are a woman of danger, your accent is not American."

"Israeli."

"Exotic…" He got cut off where he heard his name being shouted out. "I'm sorry it looks like I have to go…" He got up and made his where back to his table but not before he turned around. "…I hope I will see you around to carry on with our conversation. And maybe you will let me buy you that drink"

"I hope so too." Ziva watched as both men talked and both were looking at her direction. They couldn't have found out all about her so soon, could they?

**TBC**


	8. Team Gibbs Meet Team Fornell

**Chapter 7 Team Gibbs Meet Team Fornell**

Tonight was the first night of her mission. She had her new identity in place. Everything that was on record about Ziva David everything that you know about her had once again been erased. Her day was becoming easier now that she and Gibbs settle their differences she couldn't really blame him how he felt. After all the both of them have been through so much together that it was easy for her to take it for granted.

* * *

><p>Apart from the obvious people Vance, Gibbs, Fornell and of course McGee and Dinozzo. No one else knows about her mission not even Fornell's assigned team. He thought it was better that way, the least amount of people will know about her the better. Vance had dismissed Ziva to carry on building her new identity, Gibbs had briefly left to have a word with her, to at least bridge the gap on their dispute.<p>

Once he return back to Vance's office, Vance received a phone call from the receptionist downstairs that he had guests. Asking Gibbs to join him, to meet the agents that Fornell had chosen Gibbs wouldn't be happy with at least with one of them.

* * *

><p>They went back downstairs and asked McGee and Tony to join them. Ziva watched carefully as the five agents made their way to the elevator surprised how mature Tony had become since he learn of the mission. Since he was told by her what she was going to do, he became a bit more serious around her. Not really speaking to her but treating everything like it was business and a job that he had to do. Like she was 'just' part of that job. He didn't even make fun or even correct her when her English gets muddle up. Tim on the other was the same. He had told her of his own concerns when they were alone but he did not change the way he was around her. He was still the caring soul and the odd 'buffer' between her and Tony when things between them started to get heated. She wondered if Tony will ever be the 'old' Tony around her again and not this mature and serious Tony.<p>

* * *

><p>Once they reached the ground floor their were three FBI agents that greeted them. Fornell stood beside his agents, Gibbs already knowing one of them, the one with his eyes to the ground. "Director Vance, Agent Gibbs, Agent McGee, Agent Dinozzo. Meet my team, Agent Yan…" Fornell introduce a above average height oriental woman, beautiful with long black hair, she smiled as she shook hands with everyone. "…Agent Mulder…" The next agent that Fornell introduce was a tall white agent who was clean shaven and had a few years on Tony but kept himself in shape, still handsome. As he was about to shake Tony's hand, Tony couldn't help himself. "Agent Mulder, hey? How's…"<p>

"Don't! I heard it all before…" Tony had the good grace to let it go. "…Finally Agent Reeves." Gibbs looked at the baby face agent before him, the guilt still clearly there. He wondered if he was the best choice for this job. Not because he played a part in neglecting his duties but because the guilt is still raw and he was worried that he emotions are still high and could put the entire operation in jeopardy. Gibbs just stared at him and turned to Fornell. "What's he doing here? I thought we agreed?"

"I know, but Gibbs he knows this operation from the beginning. He wants to make amends, he is a good agent. You can not hold what happened against him."

"This time it's different. You remember who's doing the undercover…" He turned to Agent Reeves. "You, you just stay out of my way." Agent Reeves just nodded. Vance looked at both teams. "Okay, team Gibbs meet team Fornell; remember this is a risky op. Both sides have to work together. Share everything no matter how big or small. Agreed?"

"Agreed!" Everyone replied in unison. "Okay, let's take this back to my office."

Once back in Vance's office there were disagreements about who does what and how it will be done. Gibbs was only happy when Fornell explain that besides Agent Reeves who was present from the day they came in asking for NCIS help. The other agents were only too happy not knowing the identity of their agent. "So how is that going to work?"

"Well it is under your jurisdiction, myself, along with Director Vance and these two we will be here being the ears. Whilst you guys plus Agent Reeves will be the eyes. We will be communicating with each other daily we just won't be able to see it. This is your area Gibbs, your expertise is needed out there, not ours. We already had a lost; I think we can both agree, we do not want to have another one."

"Agreed." Gibbs agreed. Happy with being told more or less that he was taking the lead, he did not mess about and went straight down to business. "Okay, this is what is going to happen. Our agent is to go out tonight in one of their favourite bars. Once she sees them she'll strike up a conversation with them. But mainly this guy's…" Gibbs showed the picture of Giuseppe Fasulo. "…Friend unfortunately we do not have anything on him at the moment besides his name Rudolf." Looking at Tony as he opened his mouth to say something. "Now is not the time Dinozzo…"

"Sorry boss."

"…She will enter Madam's Organ, if they are no where to be seen she will move on and so fourth until she will find them. She will take it from there, as we will." Gibbs looked around the room to see if everyone understood. They nodded their heads in agreement.

* * *

><p>It had been a long day for all the agents involved. Both McGee and Gibbs said their see you later and heading home to get changed for tonight's watch knowingly leaving Tony and Ziva on their own. "So tonight's the night then?" Tony stood up and made his way to Ziva's desk, she was standing up and also getting ready to leave and get changed for tonight. "Yes, it is. Are you not going home to get change?" Tony smiled at her, Ziva seeing a bit of the Tony that she loves about him and of course that smile. "I will, but first I need to tell you something before… Well, before, before you cease to be Ziva." She stopped what she was doing for a moment to look in his eyes, as he said that. Sure it was clear in her head that she was taken on another identity for this mission, had spend all day building up all the details of her fictional life. But it was the first time that she had heard it aloud and so bluntly. As always she brushed off any negative doubts aside and put on a front, to cover how scared she really was. "Ziva?"<p>

"Sorry you were saying?" Tony looked at her all worried as she seemed to have drifted off. "You okay?"

"Yes I am fine. You were saying something."

"Yeah…I…" Ziva cut him off as she realised the time flying by. "You don't mind if we walk and talk? I have to…"

"Sure, I walk with you." Both Tony and Ziva headed for the elevator, having the doors open they went inside and Tony pushed the button to go down. "Ziva… About yesterday and today I was wrong. I should've been supportive of you. Instead of…"

"I do understand Tony, I would have been the same if the roles were different." Tony pushed the emergency button making them stop. "Tony…What?"

"I know you are in a runt right now, but to do this? This is crazy…I…" Looking into those brown eyes, he couldn't hide any more he held her face with both hands and kissed her, to him it felt electric, satisfying and it felt right. The kissed lingered and he could swear Ziva kissed him back with as much passion as he did with her.

Ziva pushed him away, after regaining her senses. "You should have not done that…" Ziva switched off the emergency switch, making them move back down, having the lift stop and it's door open they quickly went out and headed for their cars. "Ziva…"

"I can not Tony… I do not see you in that way… You are like a big brother to me." Tony felt his heart had once again break. As he heard those words. "Is that what you really see me as? A big brother? Because that kiss was more then that… You feel…"

"Like you know how I feel?..." Ziva slammed on the roof of her car. "You had to do this now?" She can feel her eyes watering, trying to push all her true feelings aside and to bury them she opened her car door and prepared to get in. "We both have a job to do."

"So is that it then?" Tony stood and watched as she went inside her car. "What do you expect from me?" She asked before slamming her door shut, driving out in full speed. Leaving Tony standing on the spot and giving the answer to her question, to the empty parking lot. "I expect you to love me, like I love you." With a heavy heart he made his way to his own car. Kicking himself at letting his true feelings for Ziva show.

* * *

><p>Arriving home, Ziva just quickly got into her flat and started to get ready. Being more active, means she has less time to think about what just happened between herself and Tony. She headed towards her closet and took out her favourite blue back less dress. The moment she put this dress on, will be the moment that she will become Gina and forget about what happened. Forget anything about Tony… How he kissed her and how she kissed him back. Forget about his eyes showing the warmth and concern that he has for her…<p>

She stepped into the bathroom, stripped and ran the shower having the hot water run down her body, her hands slipping through her long brunette hair. She closed her eyes getting engulfed with the water and letting herself go, at this moment she let all the tension out of her body relax. She has an important job to do.

Finishing her shower she got dressed and looked at herself in the mirror as her dress showed off her curves, she is now Gina, for now Ziva is dead.

She looked at herself in the mirror and stared…

…Forget the love that Tony has for her…

…Forget the love that she has for him.

* * *

><p>She made her way to Madam's Organ bar, took a quick peek around even though the bar was dark, she can make out Giuseppe and the man next to him had to be his friend Rudolf.<p>

She stepped back, pretending to rub something out her eye she spoke into the tiny mic that was built in her bracelet. "I see them, I am going in." Knowing that they couldn't answer back, she went in.

* * *

><p>Gibbs was in a unmarked van which was parked nearby, silently preying that she will be okay. Tony on the other had to be told by McGee to snapped out of whatever is bugging and to concentrate.<p>

Having so much on his mind, he put it all aside knowing that they can't speak directly to Ziva now, he is hoping then when this is all over, when they have finished this mission. He can start all over again and make things right with Ziva.

**TBC...**


	9. The Phone Call

**Chapter 8 The Phone Call**

_…"Not just any woman, man a goddess. After the deal I'm the king and she will be my queen." He smiled with his weak chat up line. "Never, ever say that to a human being again." Ruddy smiled and began to stand up and make his way over to the lone woman. "I'm going to have my fun. Maybe you started to have yours…"_

He watched as his childhood friend got up from where he was seated and made his way where the beautiful woman was standing. He called out that some one had to keep a clear head as they can not afford to waste any more time. But he smiled watching as his friend once again won the lady over. Maybe this time he was right and that was for him to have some fun himself. He was indeed a dangerous man, but he also was a secretive one also. He had his suspicions apart the taste in women his friend had and the last one hit all the right spots for a nark, he did feel like sorting the problem by himself and he almost did, until he phoned up the dealer that they were going to see to warn of their '_little'_ problem.

In truth it really was not him that killed the agent it was his contact, she didn't look in surprise when she saw him. He did shoot the first shot and gave her a good kicking. But, he did not kill her, his contact was there with him on that night and it was that person that gave the final and deadly shoots. Some one that she knew worked with and considered to be a friend. He had wondered if she had known that they were there.

He was told to leave the body where it was and to leave the scene as that person will take care of everything. So he left, when he meet up with Ruddy he told him that he had to take care of her, he thought that Ruddy would fight him on it but he did not. He just shrugged his shoulders and told him, he used her as much as she used him. Giuseppe did not tell him the truth because one day he might have to do the same to him, to kill his childhood friend as his contact wanted him dead a long time ago, but out of loyalty he kept saving his ass. He again watched as Ruddy chatted up the woman, he was smooth he will give him that. He smiled knowing he will take his friends advice and loosen up and enjoy his self, before they leave Washington DC.

He spotted a woman that took his fancy, she with full of drink and did not argue at his advances, shaking her booty at him, he was finally enjoying himself and letting himself go when his mobile rang.

"We are leaving tomorrow first thing." Seeing the caller ID and having a guess what they wanted to know. "No, I want you to stay."

"Pardon me?"

"I want you to stay where you are. The shipment can wait."

"I don't follow." It was hard to concentrate when you have a drunken woman's fat ass waving in you face, so he not so nicely told her to go away, in fact it ended with 'off' the woman's reply was also colourful, as she left. "I'm sorry about that, but did I hear you right? You want us to stay?"

"They have now involved the NCIS, I assume that they sent one of their agents as undercover. Unfortunately I have no idea who it is."

"There's a woman in the bar that Ruddy's talking too right now."

"Stay on it, if it is who I think it is try and get her involve deeply as you can. You will be heavily rewarded of course."

"What about Ruddy?"

"Nothing has changed. But for now he's safe…" Giuseppe paused thinking long and hard. "Come now Mr Fasulo, do not tell me you are having second thoughts. I mean if it wasn't for him you wouldn't have spent those years in jail. Everyone has a price to betray a friend and you answered to yours." Giuseppe for a moment caught Ziva's eyes and went back to his conversation. "About from getting a shitload of cash yourself what else is in it for you?"

"You do not need to worry about that…Let just say revenge will be sweet. Ciao for now!" The caller hung up, Giuseppe could feel his temper rising he has to stay here in this city for god know how much longer. It was a good job he is going to receive a big pay out, there have been times when he ask himself has it been worth it?

He turned and called out for Ruddy, who he guessed said his apologises to the lady and went over to his side. "Come on man, I was in there. In the zone"

"It's not about her, well it is. Our friend just called."

"Saying what, exactly?"

"We are staying a bit longer then expected. Also to say, that lady could be an undercover agent and we have to slowly bring her into this deal." Both men turned to face her, as she too had faced them. Ruddy looked back to his friend. "Okay, we do it; we might as well have our own little fun."

**TBC..**


	10. Letting Her Hair Down

**Chapter 9 Letting Her Hair Down**

Ziva watched as the two men looked over at her way, they could not have guessed she was undercover so soon could they? If so that would only suggest that again, information was being leaked on the inside or their network has been hacked. She pretended to tuck her hair behind her ear as she saw the way they were looking at her. "I think they know who I am. Giuseppe had a phone call and is staring at me. I will continue as planned I will keep you up to date. " She spoke quickly as she saw Rudolf heading back over to her.

* * *

><p>Over at the unmarked van the agents had heard what was said and one, more then the others; grew concern. "Boss I think we should take Ziva out now, whilst we can."<p>

"That is not an option, if she leaves now they will definitely know she was undercover. She knows what she's doing." Gibbs said hoping his words hold truth. "We should have at least have been able to talk to her and not just listen." Tony turned to McGee. "With all your brains couldn't you come up with a device small enough to let her hear us, McDoofus?"

"Tony... How many more times do I have to say it? Have you seen what she is wearing? There was no way I could hide something in that dress. Not to mention they will check her over. This guy will not take another chance to be fooled again." Tony sighed, he knows McGee is right they have to leave it to Ziva to make connect as and when she can. "I'm sorry... I just..." He broke off before his voice cracks if anything does happen to her, his heart would break into a million pieces and their last encounter was not a pleasant one. He knew that he backed her in a corner. What was he thinking? Saying he loved her before she went undercover.

"You are not the only one that is worried."

"This goes way deeper then being worried." He meant for it to be a whisper but McGee heard him. Knowing that no words of comfort could ease his worry he just went back to what he was doing and made a silent prayer that Ziva will be okay.

* * *

><p>Ziva watched as Rudolf made his way towards her, she also kept an eye on Giuseppe, the look in his eyes, staring. She knows that he knows something and the course of things have now changed; she will have to plan very carefully and not to rush into anything, as she knows a single mistake, and a single miscalculation can cost her dearly.<p>

She put a smile on as Rudolf returned. "Is anything all right?"

"Everything is fine." She would have left it there but the way Giuseppe was staring at her did creep her out. "Is your friend not going to join us? Or is he just going to keep on staring?" Rudolf turned to look at Giuseppe and smiled as he faced Ziva again. "Ha... You have to forgive him...he's um... he's not the trusting or social type."

"Oh and what type is he?" Ziva question holding her breath and she swore her heart had stopped beating. "A protective one." Rudolf replied back, watching her reaction, but surprise when he saw none. "I guess he does not want to join us for a drink then?" She smiled, it was only when he saw him return the smile she felt relaxed and her heart's beating back in rhythm. "Besides, why let him spoil our fun. Don't worry about him, he will be okay. Another drink?" Normally she wouldn't accept the offer as she like to keep a clear head but not accepting the offer could be a trick for them to analyse her to see if she would get up, suddenly leave and would have them follow her and she would up end up on the Ducky's table.

So she accepted.

As the night carried on and mindless chatter Giuseppe's eyes still staring she was feeling unsecure. "I will not lie your friend is kind of... creepy."

"Okay do you want to go some where we can dance a little dance? Have a little boogie? Maybe 'get down' tonight?" He gave a boyish smile and wiggled his eye brows in goo humour that Ziva could not stop herself from letting a laugh escape her lips. She was feeling more at ease with him maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to get 'lost' in this role play and for once let her hair down, it might take her mind off with the Tony situation...

"I love too..." She smiled at Ruddy as he held out his hand and without thinking slip her arm into his and was prepared to dance the night away.

... At least for tonight.

TBC


	11. Do A Little Dance, Get Down Tonight

Thanks for your input Ouhoh as you will see/read she has started her mission and the story will not feature on all of the fourteen months.

I can not go into too much detail on why it a bit long winded without spoiling the story.

What I can tell you/ warn you is to be prepared for a very dark chapter concerning Tony and Ziva and I am already preparing for the hate I going to receive! :)

**Chapter 10 Do A Little Dance and Get Down Tonight**

"She is not seriously thinking of going with them to a night club? We won't be able to hear her. "

"Calm down Dinozzo, she will be fine." Gibbs reasoned with Tony, trying to calm him down. "Come on Tony you know she will be okay, she will connect us when she can." McGee also tried to calm Tony down. "Yeah, you think? What would happen if she can't? You know we can not follow them in this van when they leave, it will draw suspicious."

"I know." Gibbs answered. "So what are you suggesting? We just leave it do her?"

"Dinozzo this was her choice, she knows what she is doing."

"So we just sit here and what? Wait?" Tony's impatience and fear showing. "For the mean time, that's all we can do."

Gibbs watched Tony carefully taking note on his behaviour. When it came to Tony and Ziva he always noted how emotional involve they get to each other when one of them goes undercover. He knows and suspected their relationship goes far beyond just working together as partners. He needed to keep an eye on it and if needs must he will speak to him about breaking rule 12.

* * *

><p>The club was alive and busy, everyone in there having a good time he and Ziva on the dance floor. Giuseppe stood by the bar and watched. Even Ruddy was feeling uncomfortable under his friend's stare. "I am going to have a word with him." Ruddy told Ziva. "I be in the ladies, meet you back here." Ruddy nodded his head and made his way over to his friend. Whilst Ziva went to go the ladies hoping to give them an update.<p>

"What Is your problem? Can't you just enjoy yourself for once? Ever since that phone call you have been watching us...Well... her like a hawk. You talk to the boss man, he wants her in and that's what we're doing; Why the worried look?"

"I don't like changes in plans, it makes me nervous." Ruddy sighed and try to reason with him."Look around. The club is buzzing look at the girls better yet look at the guys. It's your chance to be greedy and take your pick." Giuseppe looked around and any other day he will be on the dance floor enjoying himself. Tonight is not one of those nights. "Sorry I am just not in the mood..." He paused and had a thought. "Where is she by the way?"

"In the toilets...Why? What are you going to do?" Ruddy watched as he left and made his way to the toilets. "I'm going to do what I should have done to your last girlfriend. I'm going to test her."

With the cubicles and the sink area packed there was no where private to update the team she sighed in frustration when she heard a scream, turning around she saw Giuseppe making his way to her. "Either you have a problem with me or you took a wrong turning somewhere." She spoke loudly hopefully reaching Gibbs and co.

"What is your intention to my friend?"

"I think we should talk somewhere else. Don't you?" Giuseppe looked around and saw the girls shocked. "What? It's nothing that I haven't seen before." Ziva tried again. "I think it best we talk in private." Ziva barged her way out of the ladies toilets with Giuseppe behind and went inside the man's.

"There... we can hear ourselves better. To answer your question I wanted a night out and your friend makes good company. Why the concern?"

"He is like a brother to me. I don't like him being hurt...or used." He said the latter in a whisper hoping she got the hint that he knows something is wrong with this setup. "I am not here to hurt or use anyone. I am here to enjoy myself and hopefully him." She smiled coyly. "What do I have to do to prove to you that I am not using him?" Giuseppe smiled and reached into his back pocket and brought out a wrap.

The door swung open Ruddy appeared. "What's going on?" He turned to Giuseppe. "What are you up to?" Shocked that Giuseppe had taken out a wrap in front of Ziva after all his concerns about her being an agent. Giuseppe looked at Ziva as he made four lines, taking a note he took in two of the lines taking the hit in, he then passed it onto Ziva. "Prove it." Ruddy looked at Giuseppe then at Ziva. "You do not have to take it." Ziva looked at the lines of coke and at Giuseppe seeing him smile, it was clear he knew something, ever since he took that phone call he was trying to suss her out. "Yes she does." Giuseppe replied. Again she looked what was presented to her and knew it was a test in previous missions she managed to talk or tricked her way out of taking drugs but this time it seems she didn't have a choice.

Back in the van; silence. Everyone was bracing themselves that she will buff her way out or trick them into thinking she took it, if anyone can do it Ziva can.

"Damn it man! What is wrong with you?" Ruddy turned to Ziva. "Gina... Don't..." When Ziva heard him call her by the fake name, was all it took. She had to convince Giuseppe that she was not an agent and being Gina she had that new start, new life...A second chance to experience freedom she never had before and erase her past.

"It is fine, you only live once..." She took the note and took in the remaining lines. Giuseppe was watching her closely and saw that she really did take the drug and he saw straight away the effect.

* * *

><p>"You don't think she actual took it?" Tony looked at McGee then at Gibbs. "Relax Tony, she wouldn't... I'm mean... it is Ziva."<p>

"Ziva wouldn't...but she's not Ziva, she's Gina remember?" McGee looked lost and didn't get what Tony was getting at. "McGee...Do I need to get crayons out and draw you a picture?" McGee still wasn't getting it. "What Tony means is Ziva's cover Gina might so that she can fit in."

* * *

><p>"Happy?" Ziva asked wiping her nose. "For fucks sake Giuseppe! Did you really have to do that?" Ruddy turn to Ziva. "I am sorry I should have stopped him."<p>

"It is fine..." Hearing a cough they looked at Giuseppe seeing him wanting some privacy. Ziva smiled. "What? It is nothing that I have not seen before..." She laughed as she grabbed Ruddy hand and headed out towards the dance floor.

On the dance floor for a few songs both Ziva and Ruddy were bumping and grinding their hips together really enjoying each others company. Then the lights dimmed and the DJ played a slow ballad. They moved in closer together their bodies touching, she felt her heart suddenly race, and he placed his hand above her ass not attempting to grope it but rubbing her gently and with care. She felt his warm breath on her neck she couldn't not help herself, without thinking she lent in, for a kiss. As he kissed back she got lost to the feeling and before she knew it her hands were stroking his cheeks. She pulled away and looked into his eyes. "I want to get to know you. What I did back there was to get your friend's approval. I know how friends are being protective of one other. He means a lot to you and I do not want to stand in between the two of you. Do not be hard on him." Ruddy smiled it at the moment he seemed to have it all. "I am enjoying myself too and thanks I know he isn't the easiest guy to get along with. I'm glad you made the effort."

Smiling at each other and Ziva knowing that she was now 'in' they again kissed, Ziva kissing him more passionate then before.

* * *

><p>Tony having heard it all, his mind raced, picturing all kinds of things Ziva was doing to Ruddy; he could not take it. He needed fresh air and left the van. Gibbs nodded to McGee to have a word with him.<p>

Once outside Tony could once again breathe his mind a bit clearer but still... what he heard Ziva saying to Ruddy got to him. "You okay?" McGee asked. "I'm fine you don't have to worry about me." Tony tried to reassure McGee.

"The thing is. I am worried about you I know how protective you are over her. She knows what she is doing."

"I don't think she does. She hadn't had it easy... I mean her best friend dead, her father dead, Tali back in her life not to mention Africa still playing at the back of her mind. She's heading for a break down and I won't be there to pick her up."

"Tony..." Tony could not keep it in anymore, he needed to get it out, he needed advice and he needed a friend. "...Tony what's wrong?"

"I told her McGee... I told Ziva that I love her."

**TBC**


	12. Forbidden

**Chapter 11 Forbidden**

"Tony..."

"Not only did I tell her that I love her... I also kissed her." McGee was not surprised he had a feeling how both Tony and Ziva felt each other and he heard the whispers behind their backs. It was natural in a mixed environment agents tend to flirt with one another. "What did she say?" Tony looked back on that day...

_"...I know you are in a runt right now, but to do this? This is crazy…I…"_

He did not finish his sentence instead he showed her how he felt. He remembered the kiss felt electric and he could swear she kissed him back with as much passion and love. Instead she pushed him away. _"You should have not done that…" _

He remembered very clearly what she had said and that what had hurt him the most. _"I can not Tony… I do not see you in that way… You are like a big brother to me."_

"She said she did not feel the same and I was more then a big brother to her." Tony turned to McGee. "But I felt her kiss me back...I'm sure she feels the same way...What do I do Tim?"

McGee knew for Tony to call him by his first name it was serious and he gave the best advice he could. "Give her time, be there for her when she finishes her mission; give her, her space. You said yourself she had it rough lately. Be there when it's over and needs a shoulder to cry on." Tony smiled his appreciation but it was not the answer he wanted. But McGee was not finish yet. "Tony. What about Gibbs? You know how he feels about dating co-workers. You have to be professional and you are losing it right now. Remember all that trouble with EJ?"

"I can't think about Gibbs right now..." Tony head was jumbled he couldn't think straight and the last think that was on his mind was Gibbs. "You don't have a choice..." Tony looked at where McGee's eyes were looking at... He saw Gibbs standing outside staring at them.

* * *

><p>As the night was rolling on Ziva clearly enjoying herself, kissing Ruddy she didn't know if it was the coke or her own feelings coming through as she felt herself letting go, letting herself get lost in the music, forgetting everything that happened with Tony the previous day.<p>

Reality set in and she remembered she was on a mission and had to cut the night short. "I really am enjoying myself with you. I have an early start tomorrow...Well today." Catching Giuseppe's eye he knew they had to get going as well. "We will walk you home?"

"You can walk me to a taxi is fine." She caught his look. "What?" She asked as smiled at him. "I just realised how much I enjoyed the night. What you said before about getting to know me more? I feel the same way! How about meeting me for lunch?"

"I would love to." Ziva smiled grew wide she was defiantly 'in'.

As they walked her to the nearest taxi, Ruddy and Ziva again kissed passionately before Ziva got in the taxi and handed Ruddy her number. As Ruddy and Giuseppe watched on Giuseppe turned to Ruddy. "You know nothing can happen right? I do not know what the boss wants with her or why. Just be careful."

"Don't worry about me man... It's nothing serious." Ruddy try to convince himself but could not hold his smile back as he looked at Ziva's number he couldn't stop staring at the taxi that Ziva got in, his eyes betrayed what he had said. "Yeah I can see that." Giuseppe shook his head as he walked away, Ruddy came back to his senses and followed his friend, smile on his face he enjoyed the night and couldn't wait for their next 'date'.

As Ziva got into bed she too couldn't wait to see him again, she still felt her heart race she still didn't know whether it was the drug or real maybe she will find at later on...

...Tony already forgotten.

Alarm ringing, sounding like jack hammers, Ziva groaned if she could she would stay in all morning she heard a text come through. Saw it was from Ruddy and can feel herself raising a smile with details on where to meet.

She actually could not wait to meet him again.

* * *

><p>Arriving at NICS she tried to ignore the stares that Gibbs and co were giving her, especially diverting her attention away from Tony. "How was your night?" Gibbs asked. "Find anything interesting?"<p>

"Yes in fact I did. McGee put Giuseppe Fauslo profile up." McGee did just that. "Giuseppe knows that something is off. He received a phone call and kept on watching me, watching my every step. My thoughts are Giuseppe is not the boss but the runner. I think we have someone leaking information from the inside."

"Are you sure?"

"Nothing concrete, but how many times we hear stories about bank robberies that were cause by someone they had employed or previously employed. We just need to get the hard evidence to prove it." She notice the way Gibbs and the rest were carrying staring at her. "What?" Gibbs showed her a plastic cup. "What is that?" She stared at the cup. "You know what it is...I heard you, we all heard you." Ziva looked around the bull pen only McGee avoided her look and Tony clearly worried.

"You want me to pee in a cup... I am fine. Besides if you heard me you know what I did. What I had to do."

"There are other ways... You could at least fake it."

"Fake it!? Did you not hear what I just said about the phone call Giuseppe received? He already knows something is wrong. You want answers I give you those answers." Gibbs still stared at her holding the cup, with his stare she relented and snatched the cup away from his hand. "Fine I pee in the damn cup."

"Not on your own, you don't" Ziva looked behind Gibbs and saw Abby waving her hand. Ziva let out a frustrating sigh and headed off to pee in a cup.

Fornell turned to Gibbs. "It's only been one day; I hope we have not lost her."

"You heard her she knows what she's doing." Gibbs reassured Fornell and himself.

"So how was your night? Sounds like you had fun!" Abby said trying to start some sort of conversation. "You know Abby it hard enough peeing with company but do you have to talk?"

"Sorry...But if you are finding it hard I can run the tap or make whooshing noises."

"Please god, no. I just need you to be quiet." Abby getting was silent, hearing the door unlock and Ziva not in the happiest of moods handed the plastic cup over. "You know we are here for you right?"

"I know...Thanks" Ziva smiled back and watched as Abby left. She splashed cold water on her face she heard the door open and wasn't surprised on who entered.

"What do you want Tony?"

"Just to see how you are. Peeing in a cup; not the best experience thing in the world."

"Yeah well... I guess it is part of the policies can not really blame him." She went over to the towels and wiped her face. "Ziva..." Hearing the soft tone in his voice as he called out her name made her shiver and send chills down her spine but she didn't want to talk right now. "I know what you want to say to me, but not right now I have work to get back to." As she was about to leave Tony grabbed her arm. "Step away from this..."

"I can not Tony. I can not step away. I need to do this."

"Why?" Ziva did not have a real answer for him and because of that she found herself getting angry with him. "I do not have to tell you my reasons. Can you not for once just back off? "

"Look, I get you're angry with me for kissing you, but I don't regret it." Ziva felt her temper rising but as she was at work she kept it in. "I already forgotten about it." It was the words that released Tony's grip and Ziva made her exit.

Ziva head back to the bull pen and apologised to Gibbs. "I am sorry...There was no way I could fake it. He was watching me like a bald eagle..." She waited for the correction as she saw Tony walking back to his desk, she saw the hurt in his eyes and for once he did not correct her. "...Hawk...Watching you like a hawk." She looked at McGee then back at Tony realising how much hurt he was in.

Gibbs sensing the tension again between the two of them stepped in to break it. "What's the plan?"

"I meeting his partner Ruddy for lunch hopefully he will take me to his... I hopefully fine out more detail about them." She broke off and looks at Tony to gage his reaction. She was a bit surprised to see he had none.

"Okay just be careful." Ziva looked into Gibb's eyes a man that she respected and had considered him a surrogate father. "I will."

* * *

><p>The lunch date was going well and the day went fast, before she knew it, it was three o'clock. "I did not realise the time. I better go."<p>

"Stay... Stay with me."

"I can not. Work will be wondering where I am."

"Say you had to go home for an emergency, I can speak for you...Pretend to be a doctor or something." He held her hand and looked deep into her eyes he truly felt something that he didn't feel before... Love.

She felt the way he held her hand and that racing in her heart returned again, the way Ruddy made her laugh and made her feel at ease. She realised she had never felt this strong about anyone else. She realised that she was falling in love.

As they stare into each other's eyes both feeling the same way but like with some couples their love was...

... Forbidden.

**TBC**

Sorry not the best chapter in the world and I might revise it! I'm shattered split shifts never the best...

Just to let you know I be putting the rating up soon.


	13. To Be Punished

**okay kiddies this is where the rating is bumped up**

**Chapter 12 To Be Punished**

"Come ditch the rest of the day."

"I can not...Someone needs to answer the phones." Ziva had told Ruddy she was a receptionist. "They could a get a trained monkey for that job...Come on..." Seeing the look on his eyes; _'How can I refuse?'_

Ziva smiled as she took her mobile out and rang NCIS. "Hi...It's Gina can you give the boss a message, I'm heading home...yeah... bad cramps...See you tomorrow." Shutting off her mobile she went back to hold Ruddy's hand and enjoying the rest of the day, with his company.

* * *

><p>Gibbs flipped his phone and look at Fornell. "She's not coming back in?"<p>

"Nope."

"You think that's wise boss?" Questioned Tony. "No I don't! But what choice do we have?"

"So what do we do now?" Asked McGee. Gibbs sighed and looked at Fornell, Fornell thinking the same. "We will go back to the beginning, Tobias bring in everything you have on this case. We will study it, memorise it hell we will even see it in our sleep. We are going to keep reading the files until we find something useful. So that Ziva can come back to us quicker."

"Okay I call Mulder and Yan to grab everything that we've got." Fornell took out his mobile and started to dial. "Okay it's going to be a long day."

Gibbs turned to Tony's desk and saw how Tony was distant and in his own world looking at the empty desk opposite him. He sighed he will have to speak to him soon.

* * *

><p>As the day turn into dusk, Ruddy took Ziva to his after enjoying a nice walk. Having Ziva enter his flat she was amazed how low key it was, nothing fancy just normal. Ruddy saw the surprise look on her face. "Sorry I had no time to clean up." He apologised. "It is not that. I had a picture that it was big and full of fancy gadgets. Like a..."<p>

"Bachelor pad?"

"Yes...Exactly...but it is..."

"Boring?" Ziva smiled and reassured Ruddy that, that was not what she was thinking. "No it is nice..."

Ruddy offered her a seat and asked if she would like to drink, she accepted his offer and he went into the kitchen. "So I told you things about me...What about you?" She asked when he returned with the glasses and wine bottle. "What is it that you like to know? And you haven't told me much about yourself only that you work as a receptionist."

"How about we both start in the beginning?" Ziva requested as she picked up her glass. "I drink to that." Ruddy replied as they clink their glasses together.

* * *

><p>Back at NCIS nothing had jumped out from the files and they must have read it about a dozen times by now. Gibbs looked at Fornell and they both looked at their teams all the agents were practically falling asleep. "Okay...Go home...Go to sleep...Come back tomorrow with fresh eyes." Watching their agents literally shuffling their way to the lift it wasn't until they were gone that Fornell spoke. "Are you still mad at me?"<p>

"No..."

"So you are mad at Ziva for accepting this?"

"No..."

"Then what is wrong?" Gibbs turn to his close friend who they had once shared the same woman with in marriage. "If Ziva is right that there's a leak in the building who can we trust?"

* * *

><p>"You have siblings?" Ziva asked. "One... an older brother."<p>

"Yourself?" Ziva drank the wine in one. "I had an older brother Ari and I got a younger sister." Ruddy sensed the tension in her voice. "You and your sister do not get on?" He pried, seeing her pour herself another glass. "Not enough alcohol in the world for that conversation."

"That bad?"

"Not really... Just, not enough alcohol in my system to talk about it" She smiled at him. She couldn't explain the feeling she was experiencing right now but she wanted him, she wanted to be held by him. They locked eyes with each other. Both; seeing the same thing in them, both wanting the same thing to happen. Ziva was going to say something when the door burst open and in came Giuseppe with three men. "Oh you're here..." Not happy to see Ziva. "...Sorry to spoil your fun..." Ruddy looked at Ziva then back at Giuseppe sensing the tension still between the two of them. "Look I better go." Ziva was about to leave. "No stay...I don't want you to miss the fun." Giuseppe requested as he again took out some wraps and began to make a deal in front of her. Letting money exchange hands and the lads gone. He turned back to Ziva. "Here..." He offered. "Giuseppe I warned you. Leave her alone."

"Ruddy, if she is going to be a part of your life she has to know what you like, your habits..." He smiled at Ruddy knowing that he made him uncomfortable in front of Ziva and hoping that she was put off by it. "It is fine..." She took the offered wrap and created two lines. She did what she had to do, again knowing that he was still testing her and also she wanted to.

She wanted to forget her past, and the hurt and pain she been through recent months that made her take this mission in the first place. She needed to escape reality.

Ziva was a bit high not to mention a bit tipsy from the wine, she wanted to release the sexual tension that she was feeling towards Ruddy, it was unbearable she wanted him and she knew he wanted her. It was after all a part of her job and from past experiences she knew she can get him to talk more this way. It was a bonus to her that she liked it.

As Ziva was coming on strong to Ruddy he was uncomfortable especially with his friend watching. "Gina calm down...I think it's time I took you home."

"If you don't want to bang her I will..." Giuseppe smiled knowing full well what he had done and got the required result. "You do not touch her." Ruddy stood protectively between the two.

"Come on man, she's up for it. Aren't you sugar pie." Giuseppe made his way towards her and grabbed her ass, she almost gave in...Almost.

Ruddy pushed Giuseppe off her. "I said don't touch her. You might be my friend but I will smack you down." He warned; he then turned to Gina. "Come on I take you home."

"I do not want to go home. I want to spend the night here with you..." She began to undo his shirt. Ruddy gently held both her hands. "I want to do that to. But not like this, I want our first night to be special. Can you understand that?" Ruddy gave a warning look to Giuseppe as he was clearly enjoying the show. Ziva was pissed that she didn't get what she wanted and started to head out. "Gina...Gina... Let me walk you back."

"I can take care of myself..." She answered back before she slammed the door. Ruddy pushed Giuseppe back and grabbed onto his collar. "What the HELL is YOUR problem?" He screamed into his face. "You can not see it can you?"

"See what?"

"She's using you to get information, just like the last one. The boss will not be happy about this. He wanted her in to get her hands dirty so that she will be in as much trouble as us..."

"...What?"

"Think about it Ruddy...She's leverage they can not do anything to us without risking one of their own to go to prison as well..." Ruddy released his grip. "...Use her for sex Ruddy but don't fall for her. It is better that way... for the both of you."

"What does that mean?"

"Don't force my hand as I can't save your ass this time." Ruddy looked on as Giuseppe went into his room.

* * *

><p>Tony was sleeping, when he heard a loud knock on the door. He tried to ignore it but it sounded so persisted. Getting out of bed and mumbling curse words he told whoever it is to hold on. He opened the door and was surprise who he found standing there.<p>

"What are you doing here?"

"Are you going to let me in?" Tony stepped aside and let his late night visitor pass him. "I ask again what are you doing here?" Ziva faced him. "What is your problem?"

"You know what my problem is...You should not have taken this mission."

"I have been on worst." Tony noticed her wiping her nose. "Did you take something?"

"That does not matter."

"The hell it doesn't Ziva. Pull out of this now before you get in too deep or before you get hurt." Ziva walked up to him seductively. "If I did that, you will not get your chance to play hero..." She stroked his face. "...To rescue a damsel in distress. Is that not what you want? To be like Kevin Costner in the Body Guard? Rescuing me from danger?" She was pushing Tony towards the bedroom and pushed him onto his bed. She began to let her hands roam over his chest. "Ziva..." Tony moaned her touch felt good, so good. She pushed herself onto him and carried on talking seductively. "You want to play hero, to be my hero...To rescue me from the bad men." Tony was trying his hardest to fight his urges, but so far he was losing the battle. "Ziva what are you doing?"

"What you always wanted since you kiss me." She kissed his neck. Tony again let out a moan as he felt Ziva's lips feeling the sensation and it showed. But this is not how he wanted it, not with Ziva. "I think you should leave." He ordered. Ziva carried on teasing him kissing, stroking and touching. She needed this... She wanted this...She deserved to be treated like this, like a piece of meat. To her it was punishment. For what? She had asked herself... She did not have the answer. All she knows she just wanted Tony to be rough even if she has to force his hand to do so.

She tore at his flimsy t- shirt revelling his muscular chest, her tongue licking between his pecks, she was slithering like a snake her body wanting to feel every inch of his, wanting to get him so fired up with lust that he will powerless to stop himself.

Lowering her hands down to his man meat she had free it from it's restraint and was now in her grasp, stroking it before slowly licking her way down to take his full member in her mouth, letting herself taking him deep. Tony moaned as he let Ziva assaulted his manhood with her expertise mouth. He was about to blow when Ziva suddenly stopped and stood up. "It is as easy as that."

What she had said was the cold water he needed to get back to his senses. "What?"

"I told you, I do not have a problem with using sex to do my job. I do not get emotionally attach to my target...unlike you."

"No... You just like to sleep with the enemy." Tony replied back as he stood up but Ziva smiled knowing full well she got Tony all fired up like she wanted. She saw how angry he was getting his hands balled into fists. "Would you like me to go into detail? His hands touch me in places that yours never will, his kisses were like fire, burning with passion..." She broke off when she felt herself brought down on the bed and additional weight on top of her. "Do you see what you are doing to me?" Ziva smiled as she clearly does. "Then punish me." She whispered in his ear. "What?"

"You heard me...Punish me. Give it to me hard or are you just full of shit?" Tony paused and was starting to realise what he was doing.

Knowing that that she was losing him she went in for the kill. "You are weak; you did not even tell how you felt about Jeanne Bonior. You truly are pathetic."

One again she got her result as Tony filled with anger, ripped Ziva's clothes apart, his left hand pinning her wrists over her head hard. She let out a moan at his treatment to her. His right hand caressing and groping at her breasts, thumb rubbing at her nipples. Ziva part drug influenced and part in heat let Tony carry on his assault.

He kissed her roughly, moved his mouth on her neck, licking before nibbling on her ear lobe. His hand then slowly travelling further south, using his index and middle finger he dipped in and felt the honey that was created in arousal. He began to pump hard, knowing she wasn't fully ready on the sudden intrusion, but she quickly adjusted and spread her legs further apart. "You can restraint me if it will make it easier for you." Tony in full lust mode did not answer her. His body was not his own his mind was screaming for this abuse to stop, but he was a man possessed. If he had just paused he would have notice the slight reddening on her wrists and it would have put and end to this treatment on her. He carried on. Grabbing his tie on top of the bed post, he tied her wrists tightly together. She was completely helpless.

With both hands now free reign to do whatever he wanted he grabbed her breasts again giving them a squeeze a few licks before adventuring down to the core of her need. He flicked again at her clit and heard her moan; he carried on her legs spreading them giving him all the space he needed, spreading as wide as they can go hoping it will make him go deeper into the abyss.

Ziva felt him slow down his touch and being gentle. She was losing him this is not what she wanted. "Maybe next time I let you watch as he touches me, licks me...fucks me." It had its desired effect. Tony growled not thinking, grabbing her hair hard. "You want it rough? You want it hard? Is that you really want?" He saw her smile. "Be careful what you wish for!" Without warning Ziva grasped in both pain and pleasure as Tony rammed in hard and rough his hands grabbing at everything at her sides, her breasts face... He was licking, kissing and biting leaving nothing untouched.

Just when it couldn't get more violent, Tony turned her on her front, making her arms cross over one another. She felt his tie cutting into her wrists and again hissed in pain. Tony pounded her hard and grabbed her hair pulling her head right back as he whispered. "Does this satisfy you? Is this what you want?" Ziva didn't answer, both nearing their release, Tony pitched at her clit once more she came followed by Tony as he gave one finally hard thrust.

They both collapsed and slept.

* * *

><p>The next morning Tony work up with a start, sweat dripping of his face, breathing rapidly and heart racing. Wiping the sweat off his face and taking a through deep breath to slow his heart rate he looked at the other side of the bed. It was empty.<p>

It had all been a nasty nightmare, he couldn't have hurt Ziva like that; it was so violent he was violent and that was the last thing he wanted to do to Ziva.

After calming himself down he got and made his way to the bathroom having splashing the cool water on his face he went to get changed, he stopped as he saw his tie on top of the bedside table, he walked up to have a closer look.

Noticing the specks of blood on the tie, the nightmare was a reality...

...He hurt Ziva; he needed to make it right.

**TBC**

Oh believe me I could have made Tony into such a bastard in this chapter, but it really wasn't his fault!


	14. To Be Forgiven

**I was expecting quite the backlash from die hard Tiva fans but as a reward for not doing so here's another chapter!**

**Chapter 13 To Be Forgiven**

It has been a couple of days before Tony saw Ziva in NCIS she had been ignoring his phone calls. She had asked Gibbs if she could work from home and for her to study the files. He detected that she needed a break and agreed.

* * *

><p>When she had returned into NCIS she was professional around them, not even looking at Tony's way. Gibbs looked at the both of them and studied their behaviour again sensing that something went on between them, he again gave her a cup this time she didn't fight back but asked the question how many more times peeing in a cup should she expect. He replied. <em>'Until I am, satisfied with the result.<em>'

She did not argue and went straight to the bathroom with Abby by her side.

He then turned to Tony. "Is there something that you are not telling me?" Tony looked at McGee, which made Gibbs look at him also. "McGee?"

"Um... I'm going to get a Nutter Butter." McGee couldn't get out of that fast enough. "Tony? What's going on between you and Ziva?"

"Nothing boss, just a little dispute about how much I worry about her that's all." Gibbs stared at him drinking his coffee trying to gage his body language he knew that Tony was lying to him.

* * *

><p>"So... You've been okay? Haven't seen or spoke to you for a while. How you been?"<p>

"What have I told you about speaking, whilst I am peeing in a cup?"

"Not to do it!"

"Yet you still are."

"Look, am sorry okay I can't help it. It's uncomfortable for me as well you know. Having to hear you pee in a cup" Again hearing the door being unlocked Ziva came out and handed Abby the cup. "I know." Abby was going to say something but had stopped herself. "What ever you have to say to me, you can say it."

"I'm worried about you, you know?" Ziva smiled at her. "I know."

"Promise me you be careful."

"I promise." Ziva reassured her. Abby went for a hug but stopped herself as she remembered what she was holding. "OK Right I better take this down in the lab." Ziva smiled as she watched Abby exit and went to wash her hands.

"We need to talk." She had heard his voice. She knew it had to be done as she avoided him for the past couple of days. She turned to face him.

Straight away he could see it in her eyes, the pain, the struggle and the lost. "That night... what happened... I..." He voice broke guilt all over his face. "You do not need to apologise it was not your fault."

"But I hurt you! It was never my intention..." Ziva looked away she knew she was in the wrong that she had forced his hand. "Well we both got what we wanted..." Tony looked at her trying to figure out what she meant. It didn't take him long. "I never wanted that... I mean I do... Not in that way... That is not me." Ziva returned her look back at him. "You still fucked me through, right? So we are done."

"What is that suppose to mean?" He grabbed her arm as she was about to leave. "It's what you always wanted right? Fucking me? I mean you always getting into my business about who I'm seeing or sleeping with. Why do you care? We are not dating so I am free to see and sleep with whoever I please. Now you got what you wanted leave me alone."

She watched as his grip got tighter again she was pushing him. "That's not it at all and you know it." He released his grip expecting her to leave but she did not. "You came to me, you visited me and I gave you the option to leave." He waited for her to speak when she did not he figured it out, he had been used. "You used me didn't you? You wanted me to treat you liked that. Why? You know how I feel about you, why would you do that?" Ziva smiled. "So that I get what I wanted." Before he knew what he was doing he slapped her. "You bitch!" Even then he regretted his actions but too mad and hurt to apologise this time, instead he turn to leave. Not before having the last word. "You're right we are done."

Ziva was now all alone; it was for the best having him hating her. She didn't need any distractions she needed to continue with her mission.

Without him being in her thoughts and truly admitting to herself her real feelings.

* * *

><p>Tony was out of his mind he didn't know what to do but he did need to know why she would do that and could only think of one person to talk to.<p>

"...To be stabbed in the heart by a jilted lover, where you cause her the same pain. But alas my dear boy..." Ducky bend down by his ear. "You did not deserve this."

"Most of the dead never do." Ducky looked up; not expecting Tony to answer him in such a Gibbs manner. "Tony? What brings you down here?" Tony was staring at the corpse of the deceased on Ducky's table. "I just wanted to get your option on something. What happened here?"

"Ah a stabbing in the heart by a jilted lover; She admitted to it. A nice and easy open and shut case."

"A stab to the heart, what some people do in the name of love." Ducky sensed his distress and stopped what he was doing. "Tony. Are you okay?"

"Not really, I have a friend who got took advantage of." Tony sat down as he explained; "In what way?"

"Sexually...He did things to the person he cared about that he wouldn't normally do and he hurt her."

"Tony..."

"When he tried to apologise to her, she admitted that she wanted to be treated that way." Ducky looked at him noting his distress and could guess who he was talking about. "Had she suffered a traumatic experience?"

"She had suffered more then most..." He saw the way Ducky was looking at him. "It's what I have been told. Why?"

"It was her idea to be 'hurt' shall we say..." He saw Tony nod. "...Well Tony people that experience a traumatic event can act a certain way to cope, be it days...months or even years. The need to regain power in themselves, to gain back the control, control that they felt that was taken from them. Has your friend's girlfriend sort any help or had counselling? "

"Not that he knows of. He thinks that she has bottle a lot of stuff up and is slowly self destructing. Is there any advice that I could give him?"

Ducky placed a hand on his shoulder. "You should tell your friend to wait for her to come to him when the time is right." He began to go back to work on his dead body on the table. "What about, what he did to her? How can he forgive himself for that? Live with himself?"

"It sounds like it was what she wanted, what she needed to make herself feel better at the time and he was duped into it. He doesn't need to be forgiven. He needs to move on and be the shoulder to cry on, when she comes back to him."

Nothing more was needed to be said. Tony left Ducky to get back to his work and will take his advice to give Ziva the space that she needs and wait for her to return back to him whenever she was ready.

**TBC**


	15. To Be Loved

**Chapter 14 To Be Loved**

Tony was not the only person that Ziva was ignoring in those past couple of days. Ruddy was also getting the silent treatment. He had been trying to contact her since that night she walked out, he was also worried about her not knowing whether she was safe or not.

* * *

><p>"Give it up man..." Giuseppe told his. "She not picking up."<p>

"She will..." He cut off hearing that once again it went to answer machine. "...Gina it's Ruddy...I calling to say...to say...I miss you and I want to make sure you are okay. Phone me back please." He sighed as he finally hung up on his side. He had never felt like this before, he had been restless; he couldn't sleep that night because he was worried something had happened to her. "At least we know." Giuseppe broke his thoughts. "Know what?"

"Know that she undercover." Ruddy on some level knew that he was right but the way he felt about her since that night that feeling just doesn't go away. No matter whom she works for he has fallen hard for her and needed to know that she was safe. "You really believe she's an undercover agent?"

"You really believe she is a receptionist?"

"I don't know okay! I mean she passed your stupid drug test. I mean I'm sure it is breaking the rules, for even uncover agents to take drugs. But she took it... twice and you saw her doing it taking it all in and you still doubt her?"

"All I know it's a coincidence that after I rid of your last 'girlfriend, this woman shows up! This exotic woman shows up! Woman like her; do not go for guys like us." Ruddy knows that he was right but he can not help how he feels about her.

Giuseppe studied his friend and realised how much he likes her. He was under strict instructions by his boss to keep a close eye on him especially when it came to the ladies. Too many times have their deals get busted because of Ruddy. Giuseppe had always taken the fall for him, he feels Ruddy owes it to him just for once to keep a clear head. "You should of just shagged her that night and get it over and done with."

"A woman like her deserves to be treated like a lady, not a whore." Giuseppe got and went into his face. "You have to keep it together, think about the amount of money we will make from this deal. Think about it! We will be rich beyond our wildest dreams."

"Maybe this time it's just not about the money." Giuseppe then knew, he knew once again Ruddy was falling for Ziva hard and he could not let that happen. "Listen to me Ruddy, I gave up everything to earn money my way, and my family disown me for it. I love what I am doing; we are so, so close if you so much as ruin this deal for me. I swear to god himself that I will kill you."

With no more words exchange between the two men Giuseppe grabbed his coat and left.

Leaving Ruddy to once again call Ziva.

* * *

><p>Ziva was finishing up and heading off home hoping to slip out with no one noticing she saw and heard the message from Ruddy and sighed if she needed to continue with this mission she needed to get back and talk to him and she didn't have a clue about what to say. "Ziva..." She heard her name being called out and wished she had gone home sooner. "Yes Gibb?"<p>

"We need to talk... office..."

"Yes Gibbs." Ziva followed Gibbs into his 'office' which was the elevator.

Going in and switching the emergency button the lift was stationary, Ziva noticing his erratic breathing knows whatever Gibbs is going to say will not be good. "I just had your test results back from your last check up..."

"Yes..."

"It's not good Ziva, there still traces of cocaine in your system. Are you sure you can handle this?"

"I be fine." She reassured him. "You know how I feel about this. If this gets worse..." He didn't want to finish the sentence as he knew Ziva got his message. "I know...Do not worry. Is that all?" Gibbs turned away for second before looking back at her. "What ever is going on between you and Dinozzo fix it. As this mission depends on team work if that fails we might as well kiss this mission goodbye. I don't know what is going on and for the time being I do not want to know. But if there is a sign that this mission is suffering due to your problem with Dinozzo then pull out now." Ziva not breaking eye contact with her boss she reassured him that she will be professional at all times.

She couldn't get out of the NCIS building fast enough she knew Gibbs was not convinced about keeping it professional when it came to Dinozzo but she could not think about that now. Getting into her car she headed off to Ruddy to have that chat.

* * *

><p>Hearing a knock having hardly any sleep in the past night or so an exhausted Ruddy went to answer the door to be surprise to find Ziva standing there. "Can I come in?"<p>

"Gina...Of course... Come in." Letting Ziva enter his flat he was both happy and relived that she was okay his mind just straight to being a good host and offering her drinks. "Can I get you something? Tea, Coffee, water, juice... me?" He smiled. Ziva turned and faced him. "It too late for that. You had your chance and you blew it." He did not miss the hurt in her voice. "Is that what you are mad about? Me blowing you off that night?" She actually did not understand why it bothered her this much but it did and she needed it to be sorted. "Gina... I'm not that guy that would take advantage of you. What Giuseppe did was not right or fair. He put you in a position that you should not be in." Ziva didn't know what to say she had never in her life had a man sticking up for her without judgement before. Besides her colleagues Ruddy was the first person that truly stuck up for her and it felt good.

Ruddy saw how relaxed she had become asked for her to sit down, when he sat next to her, he explained why he acted the way that he did. "That night, that I first saw you, I admit I was trying my luck. But when I saw your scars and you told me the cause. I realised that you deserve to be treated like a queen and you deserved the best. I can not promise I'm the best guy but I can promise you that I will treat you like a Queen. I meant what I said about not rushing into things I want our first night to be special."

Ziva's heart again raced and this time for sure she knew it was not the drugs, she saw it in his eyes the sincerity and the love he has for her, he was telling her the truth. Without a second thought she lent in for a kiss. "Gina?" He at first pulled away not knowing if she still was acting on impulse but seeing her nod that it was okay his lips joined hers and to both it felt like fireworks.

She wanted this, when she took this mission she did not have to hesitated to use sex as a means to get answers. No love, no emotion and no feelings just sex.

The more time she spent with him the more she realises how deeper and deeper she is falling into love with him, as much as she wanted to get down to it, as much as her heart beats against his in rhythm . She needed to tell him about the scars on her back and why the need to be control.

She knew it was a risk for her to be open and to show her feelings, but she can not explain it. It just felt right.

Breaking off the kiss she took a deep breath before she spoke. "Ruddy there's something I have to tell you." She saw the panic in Ruddy's eyes she knew that it was not because of what she was going to say, but of what she can't revel. "I need to tell you about my scars, a bit about my past."

"You do not have to tell me ANYTHING." He hinted in fear what she was to reveal would break the magic moment between the two. "I need to explain about my behaviour that night. Why I walked out and why I did not hesitate to take the drugs." Ruddy was relieved inside and listened without any interruptions.

Taking another deep breath she carried on before she lost her nerve. "A few years back... I was raped..." She stopped and studied his face, he was shocked but not scared he just held her hand in comfort and let her continue. "He also gave me those scars that you see."

"Was he an ex?" Ruddy asked. "No just a very evil man..." She paused to catch her breath to control her tears, she knew she left out it was not just one man that raped her. Like so many times before she held the tears in. But, this time she did not want to fight those tears back she wanted them to run freely down her cheeks. "...When it came to having relationships..." She continued. "...I made sure I was then one in control. I was the one with the power, when you turned me down that night I felt worthless and I lost control." She stopped and began to wipe the tears, her sleeve moved a bit for Ruddy to see the fading bruise on her wrist. "Gina...What did you do?" She stood up and began to pace, playing with her fingers she needed to carry on, needed to get this out in the open. She needed to move on without holding it in or having to wake up screaming in the night and having to relay on anti depressants anymore. "I had to have control back, so I..." Ruddy stood up and just hugged and shushed her. "You do not have to tell me anything more." He kissed on the forehead. "I need to. I need you to know what you are dealing with. I come with a past."

"We all do."

"I was pregnant..." She blurted out the most deepest of secrets she had kept all these years came out and she didn't know why. "Was?"

"I miscarried due to the trauma and stress...I was at first relieved I do not think I could have love it but it was short lived as I realised it was still a part of me I may not like the way it was conceived by it was still a part of me. I would have loved it nonetheless"

Ruddy placed her head onto his chest in comfort and he listen to Ziva pour her heart out. "he/she would have been 3 years old today..." That was it the flood gates open and the stream poured out. Maybe this was the reason she had been down lately.

"Gina...I'm so sorry. After all your pain I wished you got your justice." Ziva looked at him, not knowing what he meant. Saleem was after all dead, that was justice enough. "You told me your friends dealt with him. It was the easy choice. You would have made him suffer. Justice was served, just not your justice. You don't have closure because you did not punish him. Your friends did."

Hearing someone else say what she thought brought relief to her and she can fully unload the weight of pain she felt after all these years. It was so easy for her to talk to him, he just sat and listened.

"I thought I could handle it. Knowing he could no longer hurt me. In time I forgot and it went well I moved on. Until a friend's death, my father's death, my long 'lost' sister returning from...god knows. Since she came back she and I have been arguing non stop." Knowingly she replaces the word dead with 'lost'. "I guess the trauma brought everything back and I needed to be in control again. I needed to lose myself."

She looked into his eyes seeing if they were any signs that she was scaring him away. He just cupped her face into his hands and kissed her with much passion as before.

Breaking the kiss he took her hand into his he pushed play on his stereo and a Des'ree track kissing you played in the background. He led her into his bedroom pausing as he waited for her consent, she nodded he whisper in her. "I will show you love."


	16. To Show You Love

I was going to put this together with chapter 14 but having it seperate seems right and you get two chapters instead of one!

Again rating up contains sex, if your not mature enough blah blah...

**Music lyrics I wish could be mine but atlas they are not! But belong to the awesome Des'ree KISSING YOU (a top track!) and I find it fitting here!**

**Chapter 15 To Show You Love**

Undressing himself and slowly undressing her he put the rubber shield on his erect member he gently placed them both down on his bed.

_Pride can stand a thousand trials_

_The strong will never fall_

_But watching stars without you_

_My soul cried, heaving heart is full of pain_

_Oh, Oh, Oh, the aching_

Her brown eyes met his. He smiled at her and she smiled back. Their naked flesh touching each other, starting with a gentle kiss before it turned brutal and rough.

She felt his lips trailing down from her mouth, her cheek then to her neck; his hands sliding down at her sides, creasing her making sure not to miss even the tiniest spot. Hands going further south still, he stroke her thighs her skin felt smooth as silk. He dipped two fingers into the core of her being and felt how relaxed she was.

With the gentle of his touches she felt herself losing control and was starting to panic again, what was she thinking she can not fall in love with him. She needed to be control needed to act like the agent she is and not falling in love.

Ruddy sensing her distress gently grabbed her wrists aware of the bruise on both and pinned them above her head, but not in a rough way. "Shhhh...trust me." It was the way he said it that she did trust him. "I will not hurt you. I will take it slow."

Not taking his eyes off of her he released one hand and following what he did earlier he again trailed down her body and between her thighs, stroking her he released his other hand and cupped her breast, his thumb stroking a nipple while his tongue gave attention to the other, making her shiver and send chills down her spine.

He again placed kisses on her forehead, her lips down to her collar bone into the valley between her breasts.

Closing her eyes getting lost in the utopia that she was experiencing, heart racing he was doing amazing things to her and he had yet still to enter her.

_Touch me deep, pure and true_

_Gift to me forever_

His lips had moved from the valley and onto the hills as he placed his kisses on her breasts, licking and sucking her nipple the hand that was below came back up and rested on her stomach, he heard her groan in disappointment on his teasing.

He smiled and realise he couldn't be that cruel and leave her hanging. His hand again went to her heat, his middle and index finger sliding down her slit, he felt the wetness and his thumb found its target easily and with a feather like touch gave it a gentle rub. She hissed in delight and ecstasy as he explored inside her with two fingers.

Ziva didn't want to feel this passion with one of the 'marks' she did not want her heart to beat this fast or her stomach to have the feel of butterflies fluttering. Her body betrayed her and it seemed her mouth moved on it's own as she begged. "Please... I need you."

He obeyed, gently taking his fingers out and replacing what she desired, again promising he will not hurt her she again replied she knows; she spread herself wide for him. He enters gently at first, then when he felt her pushing herself further into him, to get more of him; he began thrust harder inside pushing himself deeper into her and her into him, arching her back to take all of him.

This feeling that she was experiencing goes far beyond everything that she had experience before, she knew this was not just sex... This was love.

The two bodies becoming one; sweat dripping down both their bodies, both hitting their peaks and nearing their release...

Both their eyes close to savour the moment, Ruddy cried 'Gina' as Ziva was near her release she heard Ruddy call her name out, as she opened her eyes to call his name out, she did not see his face but she saw...

"Tony?" She whispered the name underneath her breath hoping his cry of 'Gina' masked the name that truly had she feelings for.

Gently pulling out of her Ruddy saw the distress look on her face and worried that he hurt her, Ziva reassured him that he did not. Hearing him call her again by her fake name pulled her back to reality and aware that she has a job to do.

_'cos I'm kissing you oh_

_I'm kissing you_

"I am fine." She kissed him hard and passionately getting back into her cover. He brought his head down to hers, their kissed had fire, again her heart raced but as they broke off again Tony's face appeared.

_Where are you now?_

_Where are you now?_

She went back into the kiss and for the second time that night love was made, but not to the man that was physically there...But to the man that she needed to speak to and make things right again

_Cos I'm oh I'm kissing you_

_I'm kissing you oh ohhh_

**TBC**

**You see I have a plan for her and Tony all along**


	17. The Risk We Take The Rules We Break

**Contains a shower scene I don't think I need to say anything more then that! Yes I know I'm showing my age to a certain charater refenece here. I get on with it as I made you guys wait long enough.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 16 The Risk We Take... The Rules We Break<strong>

Ziva slowly let her eyes open themselves up. For the first time in a long time she truly felt rested. Last night she admitted to herself was the best night she had. A small smile appearing as she was thinking about it will now be stored in her memory until the day she dies as it was THAT good. But, then that her smile and her face contorted into confusion.

She does love being in Ruddy's company, he made her laugh, he made her smile and he let her cry when she needed to. She knows love when she feels it and she knows she is falling for Ruddy and last night spoke for itself. Thinking about him now, made her heart race, made her feel weak in the knees and that flutter in her stomach. She knows her feelings for Ruddy were true...

...How come she saw Tony's face when she made love to him? How come she was imagining making love to Tony the second time round and not him? After her last talk with him ended badly especially when she admitted to him that she forced his hand into doing what he went against.

Was it a feeling of guilt? The guilt of knowing his feelings for her and she'd manipulate them for her own needs on that night? Or is it a possibility that she was in love with both men, for different reasons?

She let a sigh escape her lips as she looked at the nearby clock. It was far too early to think about what it all means now. Looking over at Ruddy watching him sleep peacefully she was tempted to touch him knowing what her touch would lead to. She pulled her arm back and decided to take a cold shower instead.

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><p>Back at NCIS Tony, Yan and Mulder were pouring over the evidence that was laid down in front of them, old evidence and reports to match with the new, to see if they see a link or give them a clue about the person behind the drug deals and the murder of one of their own.<p>

There was disagreement, arguing and childish behaviour when it came to the theories about the case followed by the slamming of the door when he didn't get his way.

"Wow..." Tony let out as he saw Agent Mulder leave; amused as he stood back and saw how Yan and Mulder acted towards one another and reminded him of himself and Ziva having those kinds of arguments. "Yes... that man can be so childish sometimes."

"I bet...Will he be back?"

"Once he realises that I am right and he is wrong and his theory sucks then yes he will be back." Tony's smile got wilder as he remembered the name that she called him. "Calling him a baboon didn't help matters."

"Well...sometimes I have a habit of saying things without thinking. He will get over it. Besides Baboon is better then calling him a c..."

"I get the picture... You do have a bit of a temper." Yan looked at him and could see how much he was enjoying this. "Do I remind you of anyone you know?" It was her turn to smile when she saw him shift uncomfortably as he was reminded of Ziva. "I think we best get back to work don't you?" Tony said wanting the matter to be dropped as he headed back to the table and to try and keep his focus on the case. Yan stood back as she observed his manner how he switched to being all smiles and joking about to being serious. "She must mean a lot to you, this colleague."

"We are a team we look after each other, watch each other's back. We're family. Just like you and '_Fox_' over there." He replied getting a bit defensive. Yan lifted her hands to gesture a 'surrender' followed by a 'sorry'. Tony closed his eyes and took a deep breath he bowed his head further down before looking back at Yan. "I'm sorry too it just the not knowing that I can't handle whether she's doing okay, whether she's okay..."

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><p>Lifting up her head; as she, let the water rain heavily down on her. Closing her eyes as the water pools around her letting herself get lost not thinking about anything but just enjoying the warmth of the water and how every touch of the water had relaxed muscles. Soaping herself and still lost in her mind. She did not hear the bathroom door open or the sliding of the shower door.<p>

She felt the gentle hands taking over hers with the soaping the feeling of those hands as they began to message her neck and shoulder blades getting rid of all the knots. Leaning back towards him and letting him take complete control. Feeling those hands on her breasts and having his fingers playing with her nipples letting him gently tugging them, dropping her head to the side giving him permission to kiss her neck, his lips gently place a kiss before she felt the pinch of his mouth as he sucked on her skin making her feel wet that was not coming from the shower.

Her hands now against the cream tiled wall surrendering all her control to him, letting him take her given him permission to take her.

His hands were doing amazing things to her breasts they were gentle his touch was smooth, he took his time he will not be rushed and he will give every inch of her breast the attention that they deserved.

Ziva let out a small moan as his right hand slowly, ever so slowly and purposely made its way down to where it needed the attention the most. His fingers trailing her silky, soapy stomach making sure that every inch was touched and his left hand still busy playing with her breasts.

She felt that tingle in her stomach that was caused by his index finger, closer and closer getting nearer to her spot. She was ready; she was ready for him to invade to make her explode.

Instead she let out a frustrated groan and slipped out what was sure a curse word in her native tongue making him laugh and her getting more wound up. As instead of that invasion he touches her inner thigh and her slit. What did he what from her? She gave an opening for him, her permission. What more did he want from her? To make her beg? To make her cry in need for that touch?

She was going to be strong she will never beg again even if this time was different and the touch was good she made a promise to herself to never beg ever again. But it was getting too much and that feeling of realise was too great, just this once she will beg.

Before a word was cried out he soothed her quietly in her ear as he finally let his index invade her as he figured she been through enough torture as it was. Her opening was filled with two more fingers and his thumb playing with her clit like it was a football weaving in and out avoiding other players before reaching for the crucial goal.

All her anger faded away she was so lost in bliss that she did not feel him turn her over to face him. Their eyes had that moment of love in them before he carried on his gentle assault on her kiss her neck, licking her breasts before taking the nipples in he's mouth giving them a gentle tuck with his teeth. His tongue licking down her stomach to the choir of angles as his mouth replaced his fingers and began to lick and suck her very core.

Before the brink of love, that eruption of passion;**_ that_** scream of ecstasy. His mouth now been replaced by his tool going further in her opening that neither finger nor tongue could reach.

When she thought she couldn't experience any more wonderful sensations he grabbed the showerhead from its holder and (with great difficulty) adjusts the shower power to jet blast and lend it towards both of their needs.

Both the pounding of her man and the shower head had sent her over the edge of her peak and a scream to wake the dead was heard...

...Opening up her eyes she saw that she was alone, looking down to her hand she saw she was holding onto the shower head she couldn't help but laugh bitterly knowing if she didn't laugh then the tears will fall.

Adjusting the showerhead back to it's original setting she placed it back to its holder closing her eyes and letting herself get lost one more time before switching off the shower, drying herself off and reaching for the door. Knowing her scream of ecstasy was heard.

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><p>"I'm sure she is fine. From what I heard she is a fighter and she's been through a lot. It will be immature to think otherwise."<p>

"I know but I just can't help worry about her. I just..."

"Want to protect her... I know..." Yan smiled at Tony. "...I know how that feels." Tony straighten himself up and looked at her, he opened his mouth but never came out as he wanted to get the words in his head right before he spoke on what his mind on his intuition between Yan and Mulder was. "How long have you and Agent Mulder been together and I do not mean working." It was Yan's turn to straighten her posture and smiled. "A couple of years now..." She saw Tony in deep thought. "Does it work? Working together as well as... ahem ... living together? Can it be done without any consequences?" It was then that Yan saw how he really felt towards his colleague.

"There are times when you see things no one should ever see. But in this job you have to act like a robot to put all your emotions to one side. Where the victim was a young child or baby to a hard working family man. You both do your work, you hold it together. Then you go home with the person you love most in the world and break down because they are the only ones that know what it feels like. They will let you do all the breaking down whilst they will be the strong one. As the cases go on you find arguing in disagreement you won't see eye to eye on certain things. When your day is finished you make an effort to talk about other things. We have a rule not to talk about work at home. Sometimes you have to side against them in certain things but when you are all pass that willing to be professional at work. That's when you both know you can make it work."

"Even if it means breaking the rules?" Yan smiled. "If they are worth fighting for... Love is all about taking risks and breaking rules."

Tony smiled back having his answer, he had the answer to his question at the start.

Ziva is worth fighting for even if it's against Gibbs' rules.

**TBC...**

**Hopefully next chapter will not take as long. :)**


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